Vanity Card #13

Change. Everything is going to change so fast and at the same time. It's already starting. Looking a week into the future has turned into looking two years into the future. The packing has begun, and soon, my life will never be the same. The checklists are made and tomorrow I'll be adding my first check mark to that list.

Change. The stuff in my guts are changing too. My gut feelings, my impulses, my views on adulthood are all morphing uncomfortably. I guess that's part of breaking habits. Feeling the twists and turns in your belly while the safety of routine is taken away from you.

I'm in my mid twenties now. I'm a three time college drop out who's going out on a limb to commit to schooling and earn my writing degree. I'm a daily pot smoker determined to cut back to minimal to no pot smoking. I'm a procrastinator learning to seize the day, everyday. I'm an anxious mess who needs to be in control but I find myself out of control of most things.

Nothing is easy anymore. Change used to be the easiest thing. But now that the word has changed its definition over the past five years, it could not be more daunting. The more I think about the future, the more my heart races with excitement. I'm opening myself up to a new and healthy lifestyle. It's not where I saw myself when I was nineteen as I lived nomadically, free of care and consequence. I want to plant roots now. I want stability and a career. I want a home studio where I can flourish creatively.

Change. It stands in a doorway with open arms, with promise of something new and interesting. It stands patiently while I get my ducks in a row. And when the time comes, which is too soon to be real, I will embark on a journey full of mystery and hypotheticals I've yet to consider. But change stands tall with a smile on its face. To shy away from this leap of faith would be to stand in the dust I've collected. And there's nothing in this world I hate more... than dust.