Vain Frost II
An Entry for the Frosted Verse Challenge
You have finally arrived
And as usual, you sugar coat everything.
You would choose a day when the light is perfect!
Vain, conceited frost.
*
Even the pigeon, the butler of birds,
Perched on the greening fence
Has his appearance heightened:
His feathers rivened on his grey tailored coat,
His back declaring his vigilance;
His profile clearly demarked in the sun
As he squints or basks, I'm not sure which.
Your whiteness calls everything into highlighted contrast.
*
Your arrival means I can see my breath.
All is delineated:
Dips and swirls in the grass,
Weft and weave
Combed into existence by the rake;
Each leaf individualised, made their own
By your cold exclusive attention.
They are stiff, immobile but look better for it:
Groomed. Quiffed.
Like Hokusai, you show up the waves.
Leaves curled show their rigour
More clearly: white contrasting brown decay.
*
Sun is searching for you
And I know you:
You will not hide.
You will revel in your temporary presence,
Showy and glistening
Until Sun's weakening warmth
Liquifies your hold,
But no matter:
You know you will reappear better, thicker
Enduring as Winter's darkness,
Your accomplice, shadows our world
And dismisses Sun:
Feeble effort, fiery one.
*
You are nature's Terminator,
Born to be melted and reform.
You will pattern and crisp,
Crystallise and fracture.
You will make mornings longer
As your icy touch is fended off
And scraped away
And exhaust billows puff the air,
Clouding with misty droplets.
*
There is no denying the beauty
Of the cold paleness of your skin.
I dislike your cold
But I admit: I like your style.
About the Creator
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insights
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
On-point and relevant
Writing reflected the title & theme
Keep reading
More stories from Rachel Deeming and writers in Poets and other communities.
Fair Exchange, No Robberies
Dark Memoirs - Index There are at least two kinds of people in the world: those who write this half-arsed kind of intro to a story that looks to separate the rare and the norm, and those who realise it's an overused framing device and don't.
By Paul Stewart6 days ago in Chapters
Comments (28)
As your icy touch is fended off and scraped away. Beautifully Done!!!
I love the humor and unique imagery you use throughout your poem that turns the reader's perspective upside down, such as: "Vain, conceited frost" and the ending lines: "I dislike your cold / But I admit: I like your style." Made me chuckle - it's really fun. Congrats!
Congratulations on Runner Up - Well Deserved!!
Congratulations, Rachel- a beautiful poem! I dislike the cold but enjoy frost's style too! Lovely to look at, admittingly, sometimes I prefer doing so from a window view.
This is spectacular verse, Rachel. Loved the anthropomorphizing of frost as an egotistical artist and showoff. I agree with Paul, it is both biting and eloquent and I would add a whole lot of fun. Congratulations on placing in the challenge! Richly deserved!
Congratulations!💖 A delightful personification of Frost… I especially love your start & grudging concluding approval 🤣.
Congrats, lovely poem!
Congrats, Rachel! Loved seeing this on the podium!
Rachel, I'm crushed I missed this until now but so happy you placed in the challenge!! This was breath taking!! Those final lines left me awestruck but smiling!! Simply amazing!! Congrats my friend!!
beautiful poem, and congrats, Rachel!
Wooohooooo congratulations on your win! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Congratulations on placing in the challenge Rachel, this has a true feeling about it.
Love this second POV to Frost. Excellent writing.
Back to say congratulations on winning the place for Honourable Mention 🥳🎉🎉 You are truly inspiration for us🤗
Congratulations, Rachel ❤✨ For your honorable mention story 💖
What a beautiful and playful address to frost! Really loved the sugar coating line in the first stanza and the admission in the final line! Along with others they gave it such a cheeky conversational tone
Back to say congratulations for the Honorable Mention on this week's leaderboard for Most Discussed Stories. This was a favorite for me.
⚡♥️⚡
What a wonderful poem, rising so well to the challenge in its metaphorical and genuine beauty. Well done. I'd make this a Top Story and top contender in a beat of hearts.
Beautiful work!
This is beautiful, and brilliant. Well done.
This poem made me fall in love with the frost scenery!!!!!
Wonderfully done! Loved the Hokusai call out and your last line perfect
Oh, powerful. Beautiful, biting and eloquent. Great entry, chum!
Magnificent poem! ✨