By what design am I meant to walk so cautiously with this burden? This unwholesome situation is so mentally exhausting. I let you inflict your trauma on me. I allowed you to infiltrate my core where you decided to off load all your misdeeds. Years spent undermining myself but you didn't help lift me up in any way. I provided a safe place but you were never the comfort I sought. You were a paradox I couldn't figure out. You were a contradiction that couldn't quite function. You kept trying to make me dimmer so you could shine brighter. I was inhaling your poisonous fumes and wondering why I kept asphyxiating. How can I disassociate from your entire existence? Why am I constantly at war with myself? This is the wrong kind of love and I don't want it. It keeps disrupting me and I have no need for it. Dying more and more each day until there was only a void left in me. Your selfish deeds can't keep dismembering and dismantling me. Please leave me as I am. I was overruled in the beginning but you will forever remain unwelcome now. Bargaining is done but you will never be forgiven. You will be laid to eternal rest with such vehemence. I can't continue to bandage my wounds with you still creating new ones. Vanquishing you will be an ordeal I must endure in order to survive. You were allowed here once. You have stayed past your allotted time. The clock counts down until the inevitable moment. Time of death is any minute now. You are most unwelcome from now until my grudge decays. This kind of love makes everyone unwell. Will I ever forgive you? Only time will tell
About the Creator
Anna Torres
I’m a 39-year old mother and student. I love reading, metal music, and writing. I have begun writing again since 2021
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Polytheist
I was the visionary with parallels always blocking my views. I didn't know it was you I had to confront in order to remove the blockage. I wasted time praying to you when you never heard one of my prayers. I was wrapped up in the all-consuming aura you perpetrated but you never matched anything I ever gave, you only took. You were the crack of light that never broke the seal you formed around me. There was an afterlife I had prepared for us but this world needed me free. The keeper of the dead let me go out of pity and out of spite. You wouldn't dare meet me in the middle because that would require actual consideration from you. There was always some thing I felt I had to prove. The pressure from conformity was only released when I forced you out of my life. The voices in my head criticized me worse than your nonchalance ever did. My suffering finally collapsed and collided with my outstretched hands. We grabbed a hold of one another and I threw that wretched suffering overboard for the final time. I smelled sulfur for far too long and I grew accustomed to it. I let the fear control me until I was afraid to accomplish anything. I was unaware of how conditional our love would turn out to be. I thought being hard made me unbreakable but I still ended up broken. You didn't want me to speak but so much has gone unspoken. I thought you made me heartless when it was me who had to conceal that precious commodity. Always the greedy one, stealing my peace and sanity when I had none to begin with. I wished for your blessings but only received silence. You projected your own insecurities onto me and I accepted them readily. My revenge from this possession is the exorcism of you from my life. I have uninvited you and expelled you permanently from my sight. It took a decade for me to see that you're not some kind of deity. Not some divine omniscient creator meant to deliver me from my sins. There are more out there than just you. And there are more willing to love me the way I needed to be loved. What more could you do for me that I couldn't already accomplish without you? Fear, I could do without. Worship myself, I could do again. I found out I could always start all over again
By Anna Torres2 years ago in Poets
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