Unwanted

Disappointment

Anger

Breaking point

Waiting

~

Breaking another piece of my soul

As if I’m not already broken

Stuck

I’ve moved past the pain of him

But I can’t see past the pain of myself.

It’s so…

Words can’t even describe

Pain

Like a knife to the back

If it didn’t hurt

I wouldn’t know how to feel

Holding on to hope

Is just more pain

Who knew that I’d have room left to feel

I didn’t know there was anything left for me to give

And to be stomped on and shoved away

Forgotten…

Unwanted…

~

So tired of feelings

Of feeling unheard

Of feeling like second best

When will I get the chance to be a first?

When will I learn to put myself first?

I’m starting to hate feelings

Hate how vulnerable feelings make me

Hate how unappreciated I feel

How alone life feels

Does anyone still believe in me?

Because I don’t

I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel

I just see the never-ending darkness

Collapsing in around me again

I’m so tired of feeling hurt, depressed, unwanted

I’m tired

I want to run and hide

Escape the misery suffocating me.

Another day of not being okay

Another day of feeling defeated

There’s no more breaking

I’m already a broken mess

Thrown about on the floor

The pieces of my spirt have been kicked around

I just want to feel dead on the inside,

So that nothing matters.

I don’t want to feel anything anymore

~

There’s no hero in today’s story

There’s no happy ending

I’m sitting amongst the dirt

Feeling the soil in between my toes

Lingering against my skin

Inviting me to find a way to fill in the hole that’s just past my feet.

I might be able to dig my way out of the grave

But the pain and misery are lingering like a horrible film

I don’t feel worth the time of day

Crying has eased a little of the ache in my chest

But it hasn’t stopped the pain

The shame,

The horrible feelings of nothingness,

~

Will I ever escape,

Not so long as I keep one foot in the grave

It’s a deep fall

A solid wall of pain and agony

Alone