Unspoken thoughts

Time has me thinking about you. Something most of us don't visit until we feel like we have been robbed of it. And i revisit the moments where you and I sometimes resembled oil and water. How much more of an effort i would have made to make sure you knew i did still care, as i now welcome these tears. And i wonder do they fall because of regret or for genuinely finding it hard to believe you are no longer here. These tears tell a story that only my heart knows, because maybe i didn't give you enough of me when you needed me most. Maybe one day my soul can tell you about it when it roams and finds you at night. But i myself was in pieces, so how could i have helped make you whole? Pain never stays as long or as short as the last, each loss unveils a different lesson to be learned. And here i stand, listening to it. I let the water flow with my body, release the thoughts, but still they intend to stay. And i am forced to sit with it, because it leaves when it is done with you.

When the angel of death approached, i wonder what scent your soul left behind. What a beautiful one you wore. But when death unexpectedly visits, sometimes it takes us leaving some behind, because our friendship is just too valuable. Some old ones we will mend, and some will find us along the way. Some habits we'll bury in the softness of the sand, and some will wash upon the shore. Some loved ones we will lose, and the pain will still meet us here today, until we allow them to transition to find peace. Some lovers have lost us, but not everyone deserves you, i hope you know. And it's okay to let them go. Some are merely but travellers, nothing more. And i hope you learn the difference. I hope you learned how strong you always were. And that with every loss you will gain. Even with death there will come life. There's always good in the bad, we just need to find it. Don't be afraid to start over, no matter how many tries it takes. And if it scares you, trust that it's big enough. Your passion is your purpose, water it often. Tomorrow doesn't always come. Apologies you don't always get to say. And i love you isn't always heard. You may not get a second shot at this life, so take it anyway. With age, things seem easier to let go when you just let things be. Just trust your journey, it may be a short lived one. So when life hits me with these chapters that test my strength and my faith, i always go back to that meaning of home. There i find the healing that always washes my soul. And even when i may crumble, i leave whole.

Home for me is where my heart always is. And when it calls out to you from miles away, you should return, because it knows when you need it more than you do. It's your culture that's forever embedded in you, your accent, jokes only your people specifically can create, fresh hot doubles from the street vendors you can only find at home, embedded places you remain connected to in your hometown that has no duplicate, or experiences whether it be good or bad. Home doesn't have to be a physical place though, it can be what you make of it, especially for the ones who are unable to return home whenever they yearn for it. But whether it's the way you feel when your head touches your prayer mat during fajr prayer before God paints another sunrise, the way words trickle off a pen writing poetry, the way you sing in colour, the way you pour your tea from great heights, the way the seabreeze kisses your skin, the way the trees rustle like a melody, the way warm rain attempts to reach chambers within your soul, driving past the scent of solely green fields on a roadtrip, those friends away from home, or the way fireflies dance around you. They all remind you that there are pieces of home that are never too far. Home warms your heart like the very sun would, and always centers you when your scales are slightly off-balance. But nothing can suffice to that feeling when your feet find the footprints that you leave at home everytime.

When you think of home, remember what it means to you. Remember the connection you secretly share, remember the food it feeds your spirit, and make sure the people you choose in this life remind you of it. Be with someone who always feels like home. And when you are confronted by the waves of hurt, sadness or disappointment, find the things that remind you of home to bring you back to you. Channel that place of pain through your creative strengths like i do, and find the good in these bad scripts. Only when you find the stem that hurts, you will realize it can be transformed into your most beautiful work yet. This is where i find freedom from my temporary pains to promote healthy healing.