unrequited

when i think about love at first sight,

i think, "unrequited"

i think,

eyes the colour of earth and a smile

every shade of mischief

blue light strobes across this bartender's face,

his hands caressing beer taps and boston shakers

the bodies press onto the dance floor,

lyrics blaring about hands around waists

my head is drowning in

honey-sweet shots and cider

but i know he couldn't have been here

all the times before because

the blue light strobes as a karaoke backdrop,

highlights the first time we are eye to eye

there's chemistry to blame for my abundant confidence,

fuel and oxygen and a heat that starts a spark

( a fire needs propagation so as not

to extinguish itself )

we have just a spark

but there is a chemical reaction to be held accountable

for the way i start living for tuesday nights,

science at the stand in the courtroom

to defend itself for causing this heartbreak

the bartender is a bad defence attorney:

he gives me reason to believe

we have a case

something solid,

something that does not shake like my hands

when he holds them across the bar,

dresses me in compliments and calls me "dear"

still, when i think love at first sight,

i have to breathe deeply and release--

"unrequited"

course correct to "crush"

a flower blooming in a dark room,

withering when winter inspires a chill

i spent months made up

of the moments after waking,

painting him into a life of mine

that never came to exist

i wake one morning to find him gone

left without a trace

slipped through the cracks of our schedules

never aligning quite right

this week, that bartender was haunting my dream state

it turns out the butterflies in my stomach

have survived the test of time

they push away any thought

of "unrequited"