Unorthodox

Dear Creator,

I don't believe we have talked in quite a while

Possibly years

I apologize

But also I don't because I am working on apologizing less

I am working on a lot of things

Such as letting you back into my life

And learning to say "no"

I am learning that you are a creator

An artist

Just like me

And that my purpose

Is to create

Just like you

We have something in common

Does that make us friends?

I'd like to think so

I'd like to think we can talk as friends

Even if your creations are infinitely bigger than mine

Infinitely more important

Who am I to call myself a creator

When my limitations are endless

I am not great at anything

I don't even know if I am good at anything

Even being a human

But then

I have been told that you do not create mistakes

And yet I feel like one

I feel I cannot escape the burdens of my past

Of my past self who made

So

Many

Mistakes.

It is unbearable

The weight of being human

How can you stand the weight of the world?

How can you stand to see

How little has become of me?

I am not asking for a better life

I know I should already be grateful for the one I have

I just want to understand

I want to understand how you are able to present

So many imperfect creations

Apparently

You do not struggle with perfectionism

As I do

Do you struggle with anything?

Anything at all?

I usually find that anyone who says they don't struggle

Is living behind a façade

Either one they know of

Or one they don't

Maybe that is not the case with you, though

Or maybe your façade is that all-encompassing word

God.

God--

Do I call you "God?"

I don't think we are on a first name basis yet

Which means we probably

Are not friends

Am I even allowed to talk to you

If I am not on my knees?

I don't need much from you

I don't need all the answers

I just need to know I am worth something

Can you do that for me?

Creator to creator

Artist to artist

Am I worth it?

Are the small triumphs

Worth the multitudes of mistakes?

Is the effort

The strain

The distress I undertake

To just be a good person

Worth my inevitable failings?

Is thinking this

In and of itself

A failure?

I don't know

It seems there is not much I do know

If you are a friend

I'd appreciate a reply

Either way,

I will continue creating

Knowing that my purpose is being fulfilled

Whether I am happy

Or not

Sincerely,

creator #47921