Unhappy- yet Brave

Light my soul on fire, fill my heart with nothing but desire, make me beg for more- refuel the spark before it dies out and leaves me cold and sore. I can't take it anymore- It's so easy to win my heart, but it seems to me we are falling apart.

When we first meant, my heart was exhausted and all my love was spent- when we started out I had a hole eating up my soul. I didn't plan to have kids with someone a few cents short of a man- but it is what is is, and now- I'm not even happy with myself.

Chain smoking cigarettes, trying hard to forget my regrets- trying hard to be every ones' friend even though I cant be their for them all in the end. I'll help out when I can, I have a job and honestly, I have my eyes on a married man.

If only I had the strength to tell you day one that I really didn't fall in love with you....but know we have two kids, I'll play the charade until any love left fades. I just do not see, how on earth we are meant to be.

At the very start, I just wanted to troll your heart, make you cry for me- so I can feel like someone really wants me for me. We had a vague introduction , " Hi, my name is Kay- I have a brother, and tons of problems, hit me up and please bring tissues. Some would say I have a lot of emotional issues." We meant on a site called IMVU- had a lot of sex, and make out sessions too- it could have been better if I truly fell in love with you. I never wanted to stay but now, I kind of have too.

In a way, you won my heart- you gave me children and that was a great start- but it's been four years, and the spark is not as strong. It's not you, its me- when we got together I felt like a porn star- just wanted sex, sex and more sex- no strings attached a romance without regrets. I love my children- that is true, but I want to raise them without you. I wish their was an easy way- to tell you the truth- I never wanted to love you.

This was an unintentional love- a blessing from somewhere up above- but as the years progressed I realized that I loved you. But now I'm so conflicted-your a good man but a dead beat dad. I'm starting to lose any love I have left.

Light my soul on fire, fill my heart with nothing but desire, make me beg for more- refuel the spark before it dies out and leaves me cold and sore. I can't take it anymore- It's so easy to win my heart, but it seems to me we are falling apart.