(Un)Conditionally

You love me,

conditionally.

You built me up, you broke my falls

but you built my walls

too tall, and now

I can’t see

who I’m supposed to be.

But oh, your loving eyes

still scrutinise, still weaponise

my every step

my every move

still trying to prove

I’m not the one I’m meant to be.

Do you want me?

or just the part of me

you want to see?

I can't place it,

the pattern I’m meant to trace

it’s not the mould I’m meant to break

but my soul I need to fake.

You’re embracing it,

but the ache in it?

you’re forsaking it, erasing it,

can’t face the way it

makes you face

the ache in you.

It takes every breath,

every ounce that I have left

to play this game

that my pain may never stain

the careful way you choose to frame

your happiness, protected

your heart, deflected

but defective.

It never broke, so you’ll never know

how love and loss are quite the same

how the beauty of the day is gained

only through the darkness of the night.

In spite of this, you’ll never cross

the walls I built to hide the loss

of what we could have been.

I should’ve seen

that you want all of me

and then none of me

there’s always some of me

you choose to leave.

I wish that you could

love me,

unconditionally.