Tribute to You

To come here now

After six months

To school

To this place

To new faces

To familiar faces

To memories

To all that was and to all that is now.

I have found that there are lots of parts of me.

There is a part of me that embodies my seventeen years on this planet.

There is a part of me that characterizes my 25-year-old mindset.

There is a part of me, deep inside my soul, that I'm sure is about 800 years old.

And there is a part of me

that is that of a little child,

And this part of me

—this child inside of me—

well, I let it carry my heart.

And it runs ahead of me,

and it is joyous and excited,

and full of laughter, and full of love.

And it, sometimes,

will turn around,

when I walk into a familiar place,

and this child inside of me will gently tug on my soul.

And it will ask,

"But where are they?"

And if you were under attack,

bombed by airplanes overhead,

would you not point out to your misapprehending child,

how beautiful the light show is in the sky?

Would you not lie to them,

make up some lovely story about how the town simply had Fourth of July fireworks early this year?

And then you

shoulder the burden of the reality alone?

And so I,

like a loving mother with a burden,

to her innocent child,

will say,

"Look at what a beautiful new chapter we've started."

"Look at these lovely new faces."

"Do not worry about the things that are passed and the people who have been here before."

"They don't matter, because the past is unchangeable, and all we have is this moment. And that alone is enough to be thankful for."

And so the child inside of me will pause and mull over these thoughts

Trying to understand

but

not understanding at all.

Only trusting the older part of me that knows

to keep her head high

to keep the matters of her heart private

to keep the emotions inside in check

to not scream and beg for you to come back.

That knows where you are

and why you've gone.

It knows you're moving on

and I'm not

and I still love you

and I'm lost.

Because when this child says, "Where are they?"

It's talking about you.

It's talking about the people who've been here before.

The people who reached inside of me

who touched the child inside of me

who touched my heart.

And changed it.

Who opened it.

Who gave it something to believe in and a passion to shine brighter than the sun,

and a reality that was better than it's dreams.

And so this is a tribute to you.

This is a tribute for all the things you did for me that you don't even know about.

This is a tribute.

Because in this night and day cycle of existence,

this pleasure and pain cycle of what it is to be a human being

living the human condition,

I'm grateful

that you were the day.

You were the sunshine,

not the rain.

You were the pleasure,

not the pain.

And I love you.

And it's okay.

And for that,

this is a tribute.