Transformation

When I was a child,

A man painted my skin in dark shades,

And taking away my innocents.

Within my mind, memories weave in and out.

Faded and pushed down.

Yet still a piece of me.

When I grew older,

I thought of survival and everyone else.

Though I understood what the dark paint meant.

I thought a million things at once,

And let myself keep it secret, because it was a known devil.

And I was scared of all the potential outcomes.

When I was a teen, I told my first person,

Someone from church

And they told me to look to God, and ask him to forgive.

So I tried to create this relationship,

And thought I somehow asked for this wrong,

Since I had fallen for bribery.

I asked God why,

So many times

And he never had an answer for me...

And so I placed him high on a shelf and looked elsewhere.

I found Literature and Myth.

Countless of stories of other shadowed girls.

And in my world of novels and poems,

I began to see my own answer.

Be the victim... or .... survive.

I took the path of survive.

And there I found Persephone. The goddess of the spring.

Who in modern and mythical tale,

Was often the victim of innocents lost.

And feeling stuck and controlled.

She reach to me and I to her,

And she showed me how the goddess of spring

Transformed and became the Queen of the Dead.

Still a goddess of spring, but also a transformed Queen.

Showing how one could bear two roles.

And through that I found a thousand other stories

Of women taking back their power.

And so I started taking my own back.

No longer a tiny seed of shame.

I start to include it in my story.

And I found acceptance.

But As the time has gone by,

It has come into light, fast and bright.

I was not the only one, shadowed by this man.

But instead of the potential outcomes of my younger brain,

Something else,

Came to be.

And I wonder, why I ever thought to be afraid.

Or that I needed to be the protector of everyone else's feelings.

But even with this knowledge,

I find myself scared...

In stay silent for so long, have I ruined it all?

Will they hate me for it?

What will happen to our relationships?

Can they ever be the same?

Have I really ruined it all

No...

I was silent for so long.

And now I am not.

It's as Persephone once showed me.

Power.

And it is my turn to wield it.

Take hold of that sword and swing it.

Cut off the burden of deep set shadows and scars.

Bring them into the light.

And take whatever out come, and transform it.

Into what I want.