Train to Another World

I wake up, and things move

I don't remember sleeping

into a cart that keeps on bumping

another rock, the next

where am I now

am I still deep in dreams,

has my travel begun

without me feeling, walking,

packing dresses, some flowers

and the smiles

I take with me

on every trip

and walk

that go on ever after inside soul.

***

I see, I sense, I touch

and yet this train,

doesn't feel like it left

my home.

***

There is no ticket to show where

I go, or am I taken

into land

that knows my name

and my heart

better than I could hope

myself?

Blue butterflies glimmer in window

the train goes fast

but they stand there

are they waving me on

or back

to stay,

or make escape from moving fate,

destiny going wild,

do I want to be free

or shackled

by others' expectations?

***

Inside the train, no one talks

and no laughter

rings in the corners,

sunny seats,

show faces frozen

deep in slumber.

Am I the only one awake

to see what goes,

what flies,

what melts,

where is the love, compassion,

can train leave all behind on road,

am I gone

or becoming

a ghost of who I used to be?

***

I raise my hand

into the light

I gather fingers close to sunlight

and when I look

I gasp,

I know

I'm not the same as yesterday

I am transparent; I can't touch

the seat, the window

sunshine glows all the way

no rays stop for my fingers now

I have no touch; I lost

everything but my voice.

***

I sing the words I dreamed,

butterflies come close to my window,

I can't open and let them in,

I see their tears,

touch their anguish

I long to be together

with wishes and ideals

I started growing

yesterday.

***

What has changed

and what came

of plans, laughter,

shared hearts,

why am I here on my own,

where are my friends,

the leaves that told me stories of horizons

no limits to flying above

each silver cloud

of want?

***

Carry on, take me far,

if I am abandoned by all,

I dwell in no heart

and no love

awaits at end of road.

This train can take me

into new world

and no ticket

is there to dot road

with answers and foes,

I don't regret turmoil, the doubts.

***

I wish I could hold on

to that smile I see

with eyes shut

now melted

in someone else or other

ocean of spirit,

high above bridges

a mirror of my love

glass of redemption

and forgiveness

I shattered last piece without thinking

I can't go back,

I won't disown

what I felt then

how I wished to be ashes

torn, thrown

into wind's jaws.

***

Train keeps on speeding in the night

day passed, and butterflies have gone

maybe they lost me and the hope

we could still have a home or touch

feather of starlight to a rainbow,

waterfall

ready to be more

and set loose

fear racing in quiet hours

doubt growing under bridges

heart molding to unleash

a horror deep

that can destroy a world

my own.

***

Unmoving figures yet surround me,

I add colors to limbs,

from ether, light as ash,

I now see fingers resting on sill.

But when I lean to open,

let the air in, fan mind,

free besieged soul

others start moving all around

hands reach for me, not touching

they are all specters, and their faces

turn into mine.

***

What is this forest

a thousand times me

unending trip

into the essence

of my soul?

Come back

forgotten butterflies

I know each wing

I miss the silver wish

come to me, and I'll keep you safe

this time for all

the world that comes

and what now ends,

I miss you more than breath

I'm thirsty to dream on.

***

Let paradise come

glowing doom

I won't leave you again

I'm yours,

stay mine

in heart, in flight

in soul.

© 2022 Amy Christie