Toxic Nostalgia

I'm sorry that I cry at every sunset

'Cause it reminds me I've lived another day in agony.

I'm sorry that I don't like children

'Cause they remind me of what I never got to be.

Am I damaged goods, dented and As Is?

Or am I strong, am I resilient?

Am I worthy of love, or only pity?

Can I show my face in this city?

Can everyone see what's happening inside of me?

Am I playing it off, am I playing it cool?

Should I be ashamed, am I a fool?

My head's a mess,

Waiting for what's next.

Should I be relying on faith?

Is waiting for a sign a mistake?

I'm sorry I'm a mess most of the time,

I’m just waiting for life to be more kind.

Can you look past all my insecurities?

Are my flaws more than impurities?

Waiting for the world to be more forgiving,

Is belonging to the dead more than the living.

It feels safe to retreat to that forbidden place,

In the dark where they can't see my face,

A ghost of a concept, a person who once was,

Someone once hurt me, now everything does.