tortured + haunted

"Really reflecting, I have been nothing but pain to you and heartache. And we both keep going around in this endless circle. I have been such a prick. I really have… I get caught up in all of it and I don’t really think about everything. You have been through so much because of me… and I didn’t even know and I am truly sorry.

I don’t think I can ever be what you truly want me to be. I think both of our stories are going in different directions. In the end as much as we care about one another I truly think we are at that fork in the road and I am going left while you are going right.

I need to let you go. I need to get out of your life cause all I bring you is pain and heartache and it’s not fair. It’s not right and I can’t do all of this anymore I really can’t. If I really want to be a better person and be the person I want to be… I need to let you go so you can figure things out and not keeping this circle of pain and heartache going. I think we had our moment and we are both trying to grab it but like sand it keeps going through our fingers. It seems [redacted] is everything I am not and I think you need to try and make things work with him. My life is going to be chaotic, I need to take care of mom and she will be my focus for the foreseeable future.

Focus on you and [redacted]. You deserve happiness and I can’t keep coming in and fucking things up and hurting you. It’s not right and I need to man up and stop this cycle now.

I am sorry, this hurts a lot but I need to step away. I have not been good to you, frankly I have been nothing but terrible and you have given me more chances than I have ever deserved.

I am sorry [redacted] I really am, I wish nothing but love, happiness and for you to have an amazing future.

You are really going places and I need to get out of your way. I can’t keep being this asshole to you. I need to be better. You deserve everything and I am not the one to give it to you frankly I do not even deserve you.

Goodbye [redacted] I wish you the best and I am sorry."