To My Soulmate

I remember when we first met in person.

You ran to me and picked me up and twirled me around

And hugged me and whispered in my ear how beautiful i was

How being able to hold me gave you this feeling you’ve only dreamt of.

All those late nights on the phone laying outside talking about how amazing it would be to be lost in the stars together.

From that moment in your arms i knew this was where i needed to be in this exact moment.

I don't think i said but two words the whole night, i was so entranced with the way you laughed at your brothers jokes and how you never let go of my hand while leading me around all your favorite places.

I remember when you told me you swore we had met before in a past life.

That you and I were always going to find each other because we are connected.

I remember when you cried when you said it was just too hard to be so far away from each other, when you said you were so sorry over and over again and i told you it was fine, that i understood. And then I hung up.

I cried for hours, i was so frustrated that you could go from saying everything in our moments was exactly right to just giving up without notice.

And then all of a sudden you were back in my arms and things were right in the universe.

We layed in the cool grass on a warm summer night all our friends around us with laughter and peace in the air around us.

I believed so deeply that we were soulmates, that we are soulmates. Everything made sense with you, the way my mind was ever so at ease with every conversation about all the things we both never thought another soul could understand.

Then all as quickly as you came back you were gone again, and I was lost.

The next time I saw you, you held someone else's hand and smiled at me gently and said hello.

It wasn’t until you were out of sight that i cried in my best friends arms while she said nothing and stayed with me while i tried to make it make sense.

Then all together we were no more. I missed you and I tried to pick up the confusion in my mind and heart.

I reached out and things were simple again, like none of the hard things have happened and ripped me up to shreds.

But history always repeats itself, and I lost you all over again. But this time it was easier.

I was able to let you go and you me as we grew to be the people we had wished we could be.

Years passed and new loves came and died in the manner that they do.

I slept in waves of dreams and nightmares that showed me things i never understood, but one night i dreamt of you, of your warmth and ability to bring me ease in the height of my every storm.

I searched for you high and far until I stumbled upon your wedding photos.

I was lost in the embrace of your smile and the pure happiness in your eyes and then i knew this was a cruel way of the universe showing me the things i was missing or the things i was wishing i had. And I left it at that, I was supposed to see you in this way, so happy and blessed with a love we all dream of finding.

And i let you be, and held onto the dream of your presence and the peace it brought me that you were where you needed to be and as was i.

Or so I thought.

My phone lit up and i couldn't believe i was seeing your name across my screen.

We messaged and you confided in me that you too had a similar dream that drove you to find me again.

We spent days catching up and you opened up to me about things so intimate and I gave you all the support i could give and all the strength for what you were going through.

And just like that you were right in front of me, sipping your coffee and smiling up at me as i struggle to get words out.

We met again a few more times and talked about what we wanted for our futures and how important our self searches meant to us.

You left to go find yourself in nature and you never seemed happier being one with yourself.

While I stayed here and tried to find myself with so many distractions I'm still not sure i've found.

You were back and here we are back in this cycle we play over and over again with each other. We had our first date, and it was perfect. A wedding for two of our friends and the night was elegant and beautiful, we shared drinks and laughs and we shared songs together that meant the world to us on the drive back to my door.

And you walked me to the dimly lit porch where we could hear the music and laughing of my friends just behind the two doors separating us, and you hugged me tightly and said how much fun you had and you walked back to your car.

God how i wish you had kissed me, but my god how thankful i am now that you didn't.

That night would be the last night I saw you, the last time we spoke. And just like that you vanished into another soul's arms. And here I am finally writing down the story of my soulmate.

How we will always find each other, how we will always connect.

We will always find our paths interlocking at random times of our lives to teach each other lessons on the mind and heart we didn't know we needed.

And for that my dear soulmate, i will always love you with all my heart even when we are miles apart.