To Mitchell Haynesworth

Kindness, is what draws me to you. When I first met you weren't just liking my photos but my prompt you didn't once response like other "men" looking just photo's telling me "your so beautiful" or " nice tits" you were looking at my soul at me and who I am and not for my body. You asked me just "how are you doing" or just " I want to meet you" you ask me "Hello spirit I hope you're having a great night and hope to chat soon. If not then i hope you have an incredible week." no regard for how you made me feel and how you rearranged my brain and body.

We proceed to talk out of the dating app , where I stumble upon not just a God of looks but of taste and kindness, and found someone not just nice but kind. I get the feeling in the back of my head saying he's genuine, he gave you time when he didn't have any to spare. but that nagging feeling that was placed there by parents and counselors, and other partners have built up over time creep in, "your not worth" " your asking for too much" they come creeping back in.

I keep talking and even the most insignificant things like pet names get to me, but the longer i go without your voice, your words, your calls i get sent back to the days of old when I was but a mere child. Back when I was told off for being emotional, and feelings I had were "too much". my heart does back flips like im a giddy little school listening to Down by Jay Sean but not the up tempo version but the candlelight version.

imaging i see you tall and handsome with mask across your face, in a dark outside, surrounded by a starry night with 8 wicked candelabra's , hearing nothing but crickets and a string trio outside in a gazebo. I image you spinning me around staring at me, having one arm wrapped around my waist and the other holding my hand and dress so they don't drop to the floor.

Even if this but a dream I still see this in my head as if it's real, but I am reminded constantly that we came from such different worlds, you from country clubs and riches and me from immigrant up brings and think how hard and different we are. We both express how we love nature and gardening and how i have dreams about starting my farm with the right partner, relationships, and raise a family.

I will always want just to cuddle not go out to dinner, or spend money on the "fancy" things and i will be happy and content with having people and community and not riches. The more we talk about how you make me feel and how you think every word of mine was worthy to swoon over how cute or beautiful i look as you either as or tell me to take photos both intimate or risky.

I think as we keep talking I see how you get more and more frustrated by people call I sense a shift every time you go to block another person that someday that will be me but you reassure me that won't but I ask you, if i ever get to much please tell me. I get reassured that I shouldn't worry, but soon that day I always dread will come.

You claim that you do it to protect your peace little did i know I was your chaos, that i was some sort of threat that actually loving and caring for you and your needs were a crime in some way and some how. That my excitement and enthusiasm was hurting. If I was Im sorry and hope your find the right person for you.

I hope blocking me protects your peace, I hope that you find what you are looking for. May you find the love you lost some many years ago, and find someone who will do her or his best to uphold your peace. May you find Love and life and not Chaos and Misery, I hope your days as filled with silence and dominance toy our rule.

and one last blessing

May the road rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back.May the sun shine warm upon your face,The rains fall soft upon your fields.And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

May God be with you and bless you:May you see your children’s children.May you be poor in misfortune,rich in blessings.May you know nothing but happiness From this day forward.

May the road rise up to meet you.May the wind be always at your back.May the warm rays of sun fall upon your home,

And may the land of a friend always be near.

May green be the grass you walk on,

May blue be the skies above you,

May pure be the joys that surround you,

May true be the hearts that love you.