Thoughts

I lay in bed most nights not able to sleep. I like to think I have control so much that I force myself to think empty thoughts. My body is so exhausted that my mind won't settle with the notion that it is empty, so it claws and naw's its way through forcing me to acknowledge that hey you need to do this, you need to do that, that doesn't matter, do it this way and that.

I toss and I turn, get tangled in my mountain of blankets. I'm hot I'm cold I can't seem to shake it. I tell my mind to ignore the sudden bodily chaos but it knows' how, I do not know, it knows it's being lied to. Like a swinging door thoughts kept coming through.

I give in to the revolving door of thoughts as they rushed in. I pulled the blankets up to my chin. I let them thoughts take control as I battled the war within. I fight with these thoughts, like so many nights before. I'm thinking, I thought I won this battle, I swore.

I finally gave myself a good hard mental shake. I told myself to get a grip, and take these demons and show them who's the boss. That everything I worked so hard for was at stake, that if I let my guard down one inch it would be a total loss.