Thoughts At Night

I lay here on this couch counting. I’m not sure what I’m counting.

The times I’ve had an episode? Too many to count.

The limbs that are in pain? Every single muscle of every part of my body is on fire.

The days I have left in this world? Unknown…

It’s hard to see a future when all the lenses are scratched beyond repair.

In the room next to me, my reason to stay. My only reason. I’d give anything to make them proud. But I know my wanting to be gone has hurt them beyond description.

I never meant to cause pain. To myself or others. But that’s what the universe decided to make me of.

Special Skill: Pain Inflicter…

Can’t sleep. Can’t eat. Existing is exhausting, and yet, I’m not even fully here.

My life is spilt between the living and the dead. My mind wants to be done with life, but my heart wants to fight until I die.

The night brings out the strangest realizations. I just hope I can make it till my true end and not the one that is forced sooner than the story intended.