This is what is needed now

I have been gone for far too long

I can feel it now ready to burst from me

I've been held down by sorrow and anger

depths of me hiding in darkness

I can no longer dwell this way

time is lapsing and I fear eventual

I hold so much pain in my heart

a ferocious cataclysm pending

and only I can prevent such calamity

so I'm searching inside for myself

yelling my name down empty hallways

wondering if I'm even still there

lurking through the thick heavy fog

wondering if I'm the same strong and brave

a force of nature that stood 270 million years

I pray this is the truth I pray I find a hero

because that is what is needed now

I've been the coward the sinner the beast

I've been the Savior the teacher the diseased

I've been everything except for what I need

Like stepping blindly into your world

not knowing whether you need to swim or walk or fly

fate gives no direction to follow

no encyclopedia to your dreams

it simply unfolds before you like a carpet

a thick velvet droll of space

so I follow that carpet hoping to find myself at the end

hoping I am capable of love and compassion

hoping I'm willing to withstand this fight

praying I haven't misplaced my honor

or disheveled away what does remain of my heart

like droves of rhododendrons I must return

I must replenish more faithful and more vibrant than ever before

I must forget the mortality that is enveloped my writhing soul

the deaths and the grief to which follows

I have to let go even if it means losing a part of myself with it

like I'm smothered in the dead petals and leaves of yesteryear

unable to gain air or light I will only wither

so I tremble and shake and shiver

till those ugly layers Nestle in my feet

and I take my first step out and away from them

new revived somehow whole again

I pray this is truth because this is what is needed now.