This is the Color of my Soul

This is the color of my soul

This is my heart’s true song

First sung by my Master Teacher

Western Buddhist guru

Bhakti yoga practitioner

Extraordinaire

Now echoed by me

Born Richard Alpert

Clinical psychologist

Who taught the colors of consciousness class

LSD 101 with Timothy Leary

At Harvard in the 60’s

And got kicked out

Went to India and met his Guru

Neem Karoli Baba known as Maharaji

Was reborn and renamed

Ram Dass

Servant of God

Ram Dass

you lover of Hanuman

The golden monkey man

Trickster

I fell in love with him too

Chanting his name with

Krishna Das

who was there in India with you

Maharaji tasking him with learning all the sacred songs

Me chanting along with

His CD in the car

Last year on my way to work

Hari Hari Krishna Krishna

Hanumanji

On my way to work

On my way to serve

Others and God too

Like you

To serve by comforting with

Crimson heartfelt counsel

And the warmth of lovingkindness shared

The fear, the apprehension and often times the tears

Of precious military kids

Whose Moms and Dads

Were sent away

Deployed to dusty desert

War zones

Hiding in plain sight

In their tan and brown

Camouflage uniforms

Starkly conspicuous amongst the blood red sands

Hoping and praying

To return home whole again

You have taught me

Almost all I know

You sowed the seeds

That opened me

One pearlized onion petal

At a time

You peeled the layers

With compassion in your pinkish fingertips

Wisdom teachings

From the ancients

Laid bare my attachments

And unburdened me

I embarked on that remarkable journey

With you waking me up

So I would know when I fell asleep again

In the early 80’s

I went to the retreat you did

With Stephen Levine and Dale Borglum

At a Girl Scout camp

in Gainesville Florida

“Dying into Life”

you called it

And it was just that

Six days of pure white light intensity

Permeating all 300 international souls

gathered there

I arrived about an hour late

Saw faint light and heard rhythmic sounds

Wafting towards me from the grand hall

I made my way in the pitch black

moonlit night

Stepped into the large candlelit space

Everyone was chanting softly

Shree Ram Jai Ram

Jai Jai Ram

And on the screen at the very front

Black and white flashing lights

Ghost like skeletal

Grey figures naked

Emaciated human beings

From the concentration camp’s silent films

Turning round and round

in the delousing spray

In shock and disbelief

I sat and chanted too

Three hours later

My core like molten lava

Bruised a purplish green

And my eyes and heart swollen with sadness

I stumbled through the darkness to my trusty

VW camper van

Collapsed on the mustard colored vinyl bed

And wept without end

This “dying into life”

Was happening for me

I was diving into an altered state of consciousness

Orchestrated to the tiniest detail

Flowing from one experiential experience

To the next

Each one more powerful

More evocative and transforming than the last

And I would emerge

Six days later

Changed, irrevocably altered

A different human being

I left there

Walking on air

Feet hardly touching the ground

My body floating after

Eating the best vegetarian food I have ever had

Consciously prepared by

Michael Singer’s Temple of the Universe folks

On the healthiest ever schedule

Yoga at 5am

Free form meditation in movement

As the sun rose and pink gold rays flooded our sacred space

Hearty breakfast 7am

Earthy oatmeal colored porridge with raisins and nuts, tea and crunchy brown toast

Main meal lunch noon

Glistening spaghetti with bright red succulent tomato veggie sauce

and a salad where

Each tender green leaf lovingly washed was

Crisp and fresh as the day picked

Light soup dinner 5pm

Bits of Nori and ginger suspended in aromatic golden broth,

tea to calm the monkey mind and herald restful sleep

No food after 6 pm

And in between the

Teachings of the Dharma

Of compassion and passion

Of healing grief and trauma

Of Non-attachment

On the path to greater joy

Of inner peace and enlightenment

Just beyond the crystal veil

This regimen coupled

With the emotional cleanse and transformative work

Done at my soul’s center

Made you my primary teacher and me your

Lifelong grateful student

Basking in your golden light

Reflecting all the good

Set on this path of service

for as long as I shall live

The closing ceremony

Was filled with lightness and laughter

You, Ram Dass, guffawing while rolling on the stage

Stephen, Dale and the crew performing

a satirical parody for us of the entire week

Mocking you ever so lovingly

as only those who knew you well could do

A perfect ending

And beginning for my

newly awakened life

Your teachings etched

In rainbow colors

Glowing in my soul.