This Ain't My First Rodeo

My Bestie and I are partners in crime

Like birds of a feather, we stick together

We’re as thick as thieves, through thick and thin

Me being single as a pringle and,

my BFF is married an ‘all, says, “Get back on that horse girl!” “Let me set you up with my Dreamboat buddy!”

“A Blind Date!” She excitedly tells me

“He’s a real catch, and as pretty as a picture!”

I didn’t beat around the bush, life is short, and time is ripe!

As quick as a flash, I reply,

“For sure, you bet, I’ll give it a whirl!”

The date was set, not long to go

Me, a Bundle of Nerves, my heart sat in my mouth

Way to go…

My Bestie calls me on the day, “Break a leg sugar tits!”

I meet him in the flesh and feel like a wet fish out of water

I'm so tongue-tied, but we seem to hit it off

He has this big heart of gold,

As we wined and dined, he talked the talk, and I was all gooey-eyed

Like a teenage crush, it was puppy love

It’s yeah, like we're singing from the same song sheet

A match made in heaven,

Oh my gosh, love at first sight,

two little peas in a cosy ass pod

He looked deep into my eyes, “A penny for your thoughts gorgeous?”

I drunkenly whispered, “Doesn’t love just make the world go round!”

He was simply the best thing since sliced bread and butter

After that moonlit night, we had more soppy dates

I felt like a queen, the apple of his eye, and so weak at the knees

Our hearts ruled our heads, as we knew our love knew no bounds

We fell head over heels

Talk about being in the fast lane!

He popped the question, “Bae, say you’ll be mine?”

YES, my babe!

So I got a new frock,

and we tied the knot, and sailed away into the honeymoon phase

Life felt as snug as a bug in a rug

I believed that love conquered all, me and my better half

We were on top of the world

Alas, love is blind, and easier said than done!

Our love wasn’t a happily ever after — after all

I hadn’t looked for the smoking gun or the crazy in the wood for the trees

Fools rush in, and I’m in love with being in love

When will I ever learn

We began to argue the toss

HE would make mountains out of molehills

Whining, “I have a bone to pick with you, Bae!”

We were thrust between a rock and a hard place

I screamed at him, “Actions speak louder than words, Idiot!”

He yelled back, “It takes two to tango bitch!”

“Get it off your chest, why don’t cha!” As I slammed the door

We fought like cats and dogs, throwing each other bones of contention

and both, barking up the wrong tree

No more doggy style, we’re at loggerheads and bile

Our love was on the rocks, stirred by the tip of an iceberg

the fall out was catastrophic

We were flogging a dead old beaten horse, and fighting fire with fire

It was over, I called it a day and dropped him like a hot potato

We were history, gone down in flames

Finito capito,

back to the drawing board for me!

“Burn your bridges,” my Bestie said, “no use crying over spilled milk, you just can’t judge a book by its cover. Look at the bright side, Sugar Tits, there’s plenty more fish in the sea!”

I concurred, “Don’t worry babe, this ain’t my first rodeo!

The end

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*Idioms are a phrase or expression that has a figurative meaning, often different from what the words literally say.

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