There’s somewhere in between darkness and light

Could there be a new arrangement of tiny atoms

That can recreate the colors in your eyes?

Is it a place where light and dark merged

Exploding into a new sense of frightening color?

Your color looks ill

It looks like it moves

And stretches

And bounces, reflecting off my duller gaze.

There’s somewhere in between darkness and light

Is it in a deep chasm of space, a collapsing star… or is it in you?

I can never match your brilliant color

I can’t appreciate the sin of collecting your shade

I think one day I will have concocted

Something so over the top amazing

That finally

Finally

You won’t hate my dullard, muted

Glaze

The purples and jades and opalescent

Gems I try to uncover,

To show you

Oh, but that’s a stupid color

And into the fiery eternal urn it goes.

Your color is just too fuckin’ magnificent

Your color is too divine,

And mine is wretched and spoiled

And covered in failure,

A color no one wants,

Worse than the shade that makes up (me)

I am muted,

Like your screaming mind.

I am dreaming,

And you crush my writing hand.

I am sorry,

For being born and for who I am.

I like all colors,

But your color looks like

Grasping, needy hands—-

That push, push

Push

Me down, away, far.

Your eyes speak to me now

Trust me, they yell.

“Trust me that I won’t love you,

Especially the way we first started talking through our colors and our combined gaze.”

Your color back then spoke volumes,

Of tender, dreamy, magic affirmation

And adventure that spoke a trillion different hues,

And determination, your color was determination

Your eyes were domination,

Domination,

Termination.

Once upon a time

I dreamed of our mixed hues in a deep look,

And my whole body shook in adulation, fervent passion, falling into your cavernous hook

And those eyes bore into me,

And I melted under your feverish, tender

Stare.

I remembered how you were my first love as a child, and it blinded me to the glided cage

You saw me climb into(you made the key—-fit

and lock straight to my heat, heart.)

But now your color feels like brackish water

In my veins,

Slowly moving into my brain.

An Acute form of imaginary, philosophical Sepsis

And my brain scan shows nothing

But each word I speak comes out wrong,

Traumatized by your too brightly shining

Word of

No.

No is etched on my face, my heart and my hand.

There’s somewhere in between

darkness and light, a color unknown and terrifying, luminous and beautiful

Is it in a deep chasm of space,

An inactive volcano ready to split the ground into pieces, or split me into two

a collapsing star…

or is it in you?