There’s Actually No Wrong

I’ve imagined my life — my future — since the day I knew my choices from the past would matter now.

From knowing that, I made plenty of decisions based on it.

There was a time when I regretted my past decisions and wished to do things differently, but I can’t change what’s already been done.

I’ve been a parasite, a doer, a watcher, a follower, a guider, and a waiter.

You could imagine being a parasite is fun or comfortable, but it’s not — unless you don’t have a conscience.

I had one, so this version of myself ate me up.

When I was a doer, I believed in the impossible and the possible.

I loved this version of myself — it’s the one that kept me dreaming and moving forward.

You have to know this:

“You never stop being scared of falling from the top, because when you close your eyes you can still feel the pain from every step of the way up.”

To understand how painful my fall was — to become a watcher and a waiter.

I fell from the sky to hell and waited for the day I’ll be whole again.

To be a follower is easy if you’re full of intention.

To guide, you must know how to follow.

That’s what I’ve learned from day one — to now.

The ways I imagined my life are nothing like how it is right now.

The people I thought would be present are not.

The ones life took early are back — in thoughts.

If I had known the world the way it really is, I would’ve changed most of my decisions and lived the way I was supposed to — day after day.

Among the rich, I am broke.

Among the small, I am tall.

Among the intelligent, I learn.

In the world, I walk — uncertain, but surely moving forward.

Underneath my skin, I hope for a better tomorrow.

© Semra Jean | Please don’t repost without credit