The World Is Hard When You're Not Sure Who You Are...

To say I'm fried is an understatement,

Lost and confused, smashing into an abatement,

Struggling to see, the world as something good,

Wishing for everyone, that one day I could.

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Faking life after my mind short-circuited,

Going through the motions,

Confusions washing over me like oceans,

To keep them smiling I fake it after my life short-circuited.

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It's a price I pay, seeing nothing but gray,

No lights, no darks, just the gray shades of every day,

Only able to see, just the sad shades of gray,

Losing in the process, any real wish to be invited to play.

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Functioning is hard,

Playing this card,

Even the small things, like a walk through the yard,

Every day I awake, playing the joker card.

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Trusting the gray, the people I see,

None of them understand and none of them see me,

I etch onto my face, the faintest of smiles,

Wishing that I could escape, escape by miles.

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I survive in the gray,

Unlike others not escaping the gray, i push on and i thrive,

No doctors, no meds, no counselors,

no one but me keeping me alive.

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I stare at their faces, saying so little,

I see them happy, I see them smile,

I see their looks, do they know how I feel,

I struggle to make that etched smile bigger, to make it seem real.

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It's the grays that I live in, each and every day,

Nothing about them, over my world they have no sway,

Until I'm ready and until I move on,

They may all think my view of the world is wrong.

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It's the end of the day,

I crawl into my bed,

A tear streaks down my cheek,

leaving a streak on my bed.

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I talk to my self,

Begging for relief,

Each night I fall out,

Wishing tomorrow for that first green leaf.

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But I survive with this short-circuited mind,

I'll return to the grind,

Knowing the truth is there,

when you realize who you are, the world overflows with color.

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Until then, with pride, I survive

Until then I'm not living,

With pride, just alive.