The Things I Miss

There are plenty of things that I miss

Plenty that I look back upon with simple bliss

I never knew how simple it could be

To lose all semblance of reality

-Sitting with the stars every night

-Seeing my own Sky perform it's ritual for only me

-Listening to the world revolve for me

-Thinking my universe intersects with yours

-Seeing the clouds that pass on by

-Breathing with the stars that are plastered on my ceiling

-Understanding my place when I look up

-Knowing my significance

-Seeing that which others miss

The sky pretends to be bright here

Even though it is perpetually clear

I know what I've seen is faulty and lost

I'm keeping my sanity but at what cost

-Never being mad

-Never being sad

-Never being manic

-Never being depressed

-Not getting regular panic attacks

-Continually breathing

-Not waking before the dawn

-Not pretending to care

-Having people to care about

-Not having to talk

-Not having to scream

-Not being forced to pretend to believe

I keep sitting back down when I don't want to

Maybe this time you'll understand my clue

It's not you it's me in this reality

When I know in my heart that I must close this pantry

-Being needed

-Being wanted

-Being someone alive

-Being seen

-Being heard

-Being never seen as contrived

-Being existent

-Being loved

-Being free enough to speak to the moon

-Being true

-Being real

-Being someone who knew

I miss the days of yore when my heart skipped a beat

Now it just sits in my chest with simple utter defeat

I know it's still pumping since I am still breathing

But it doesn't feel more than death covered with frosting

-Standard life

-Standard home

-Standing of living

-Standard everything

-Standard breathing

-Standard walking

-Standard sleeping

-Standard standard

-Standard living

I can keep listing the things that I know that I miss

But I cannot ignore what is contained in my fist

A letter? A note? A dash of new hope?

A lasting impression of how I can cope

-Not leaving your side

-Being home near you

-Never being alone

-Not being ignored

Maybe it's what I miss the most that has kept me from living

But I don't want my memories to continually leave me