The Story Behind The Poetry II: For Now & Later

For all the times life gets hard-

And I find myself having a hard time searching for ways just to make it on this earth

Soul searching, looking for what my vices stole from me

The weight of my heart is only a single part of all that has a hold on me

But it's in the times that I'm stuck under the weight on my shoulders and all the stress that grows on me

That I take the time, to turn my eyes to look for words-

That'll talk to the thoughts that have my mind all distorted, mental images and intentions all blurred

Caught between a rock and a hard place, between two hopes I'm distraught

The want to jump back to the days where things weren't so bad

And this thought of skipping to the day I lie on my back in the back of a hearse

I don't know how but I need to make these feelings disperse

Because I know that's the hope of my enemy

Along with the hope to drown me in a bottle of whiskey

But knowing I can't swim, that's a pool I try to avoid

Because ignorance isn't bliss and numbness isn't joy

And that's not the only, just one of many- dangerous distractions that result in subtraction of feelings

He and I both know that the want to escape for me is a fateful attraction

My enemy, a prowling lion seeking only to destroy

Or rather- a hyena that loves to take a laugh to lying to me

But he and I both know that I'm no fool to some things

So between with what he can and can't get me

It's easy to see that my temptation is tailored uniquely to me

When temptation is calling- my next decision will make me or break me

So how can I make these feelings disperse?

My own fear makes the choice between what I can and can't voice

Writer's block makes the choice between what I can and can't put into words

So as I make the attempt to turn every thought to a verse

In my attempt to search for ways to just make it on this earth

I hope the picture I paint is worth its weight in gold

I hope what's written here won't grow old-

Because what's written here is what I reap and sow

Every caffeine high and emotional low is a note in my mind

Power trippin' trying to power through it all-

When I'm all out of my emotional morphine and the rain begins to fall

All my rights and my wrongs begin to make their way to the page

And the power of the pen is shown in the most simple of ways

It's in the power of my pen that I'm able to fill a page before the ink dries

What's out of my sight is still well within my mind-

But- is peace nothing more than a figment of my fantasy?

Is it only when I close my eyes that I feel free?

Yet somehow still never able to sleep? How contradictory-

This contrast constructs the exact walls in my mind that create the shadow of my doubt

To make these feelings disperse- How?

Even if I write to the point that I'm all out of time-

What the time I spend writing will actually take away from will add weight to my heart

To make these feelings disperse- I have to but how can I?

What healing needs to take place is not to happen over a night

What changes will occur over the course of my life-

I'm rushing like I have no time to wait

To make these feelings disperse- Whatever it takes

As if I have some kind of control- But surely I do

Or am I giving the benefit of the doubt? If I am, who am I giving it to?

To make these feelings disperse

How much longer can I hold it together? Will it be forever or never?

Will today be the be the day that it all falls apart? Maybe now maybe later

Two choices, to take action as if I haven't already or relax and patiently wait

But just one goal, to make these feelings disperse