THE SAD FAT GIRL

I’m sick of being the sad fat girl, “then loose weight” they say. But they don’t understand. It’s not that easy. “But people are doing it” they say, people are built differently. They still don’t understand.

Im sick of being called the fat girl. “But that’s what you are” they say. That doesn’t define me. That’s what I am but that’s not who I am or who I want to be. I’m smart, I want to be called the smart girl. “For someone that’s fat, you’re quite smart” they say.

I’m cute I guess, I want to be called cute.

“You’re cute for a fat girl” they say.

I’m very outspoken, diligent and hardworking!

“For someone that size, you are hardworking” why can’t I be what I want to be without first being labeled by what I look like.

I am 2 times bigger so I have to work 2 times harder. I’m not allowed to do the things that other people do or I’ll be labeled too fat for that.

“If you don’t like it then change” they say. I’m trying. The thoughts are in my head but the insecurities are more. You want the fat girl to loose weight but then you bully her in the gym. What makes you think I’ll come back? Because I want to get that body to impress the likes of you, I have to put up with insults from you because you’re different from me? Am I not human? Am I too fat to have feelings? You think I can be called ugly, unattractive and disgusting and still be okay? I should be okay? I should take the insults because it’s my fault?

Everyday I fight with my mental health because I’m that fat girl. I don’t want to be that fat girl, I want to be that girl, I want to be the smart girl, funny girl, cute girl. But will I ever be that? Should I just stay in my room doors shut hiding so you don’t get to see this fat body? Does it disgust you that much?

I don’t want to be the fat girl anymore,

I don’t want to be the sad fat girl anymore,

“Then loose weight” they will always say…