The Poetry of Paint

I’m sorry, but I can’t take this anymore! This just isn’t working canvas.

And believe me, I’ve tried! But it feels like I’ve been here for an eternity staring at you, staring at me, with your blank face void of anything and it hit me; we have nothing in common! You have nothing to offer me, no inspiration, no story… those things are hiding deep in my soul too scared to come out.

I guess that means it isn’t you after all canvas; it’s me.

No, really… it’s me.

So I’m moving on… and don’t ask me where to because I have no idea. But I need more out of my life. I need to create something; anything. And maybe, just maybe… something worthwhile will emerge from this mess that I’ve become.

And just like that, your face was stained with familiar lines of blue. The same lines running down mine, running my life, running through the motions… just to pass the time.

But for now that doesn’t matter, and I continue to paint. Running my brush through the parts of my soul that haven’t been touched, that haven’t been seen. They call out in joyous vibrancy! Ecstatic to be loved, to be alive… to be free.

There’s a new song they’re singing, a new verse they’re writing, though I can’t always make out the words. They’re lovely, inspiring. They move me and invite me to dance with my daydreams and abandon reality.

I find myself chasing rhythms and tracing the lines from the glorious landscapes carved in my mind. They echo from deep within my soul like a lifetime forgotten. New yet wise, and hauntingly familiar.

And in this moment I both treasured and despised the burdensome flesh chained to my mind.

For how could I possibly express such majesty in words I can speak, or a song I can sing?

I can never begin to capture such things!

Not with this brush, and not with these paints… nor with the tears now staining my face.

They gushed and they poured consuming my being… and these lucid lines from once I was freed revealed themselves in a cold rigidity as the bars of my prison cell cast from despair rose higher, dug deeper; firm rooted in fear.

So I poured out my heart, I poured out my soul, I tried to escape their tiresome hold.

Unfiltered, unplanned and ripped at the seems I opened up everything;

I didn’t care what it means.

All was a mess… but I was clean.

There was beautiful chaos and new shards of hope inspired by the embers alive in my soul.

As they crackled and glitters my brush caught their gleam. They shattered the walls of my abandoned dreams.

They rose from the cracks, they rose past the trees, they lit up the land like sparks on a breeze; Then off through the clouds to worlds unseen. Away from my eyes they called louder to me!

I wanted to chase them… wherever they lead.

From the peak of the morning and far into the dawn, I followed them higher moving up and beyond.Far past the clouds, far past the skies; unhindered, untouched by my own judgements and lies. The freedom I felt was euphoric and pure. It changed my whole view as I gazed to the Earth and considered my life moving by in a blur. And I pondered the limits I’ve accepted as law to rule over me, my creation and all.

So I pulled out the plans all wedged in my brain. I opened the maps and ripped out every page! I threw most away while others I saved; and laughed as I pondered the limits of age.

Those that were spared I folded, I twisted, I cut off some pieces and doodled through spaces.

I wrote in the paths that were missing, left out or simply forgotten, and crossed out the footnotes, each misguided action taken by those caught up in their minds ignoring their hearts; too lost to find. But I listened to mine, more closer than ever! And I knew to keep going for something much greater!

There’s more to be seen than maps drawn on paper, and there’s more to be known beyond dust covered books; beyond the places we’ve been or those overlooked, beyond people and faces and the stories they’ve told.

I can see it so clearly when I let myself flow with the paint and the words pouring out of my soul. But it’s more than just paint left to dry on a canvas… it’s the journey I’m taking, and the lessons are endless!

So I traced out the lines from stairways and doors. I connected the dots between this world and yours; the place I’ll return once I’ve wandered a while. So don’t worry about me, for soon I’ll be home… I’ll be happy and whole and ready again to smile.

On this journey of life, all roads come together. They cross and they mingle at one point or another. And as I gaze back on this intimate maze, the lights of my street they take center stage. It’s nearly full circle, this piece almost done… my labor of love caught out in the sun.

And as I prepare to wish her goodnight, the moon smiled kindly and she showered with light the lines of her face and the edge of each cloud that cradled her softly while I pondered aloud; how could I ever find once again the magic I felt as I peered through this land?

But before she could sigh, I already knew; it’s always been here… inside me and in you. Just trust and surrender to find that small voice living inside no matter how faint.

And let it sing out through the poetry of paint.