"The Myth of Pure Friendship Between Men and Women"

Shakespeare once said, "A boy can never be just a friend to a girl because emotions and desire are always involved." Though there is no direct attribution of these exact words in his written works, this quote reflects a timeless observation many have echoed throughout literature and life: that the relationship between a man and a woman is rarely devoid of emotional complexity.

Oscar Wilde, the celebrated Irish poet and playwright, shared a similar perspective. He famously remarked, "Friendship between a man and a woman is not possible. There is always desire, weakness, hatred, or love involved." His words highlight the underlying tensions and emotional layers that often color such relationships, making them far more than platonic on a psychological or emotional level.

Humayun Ahmed, one of South Asia’s most beloved writers and philosophers, offered a more nuanced take. He observed, "A boy and a girl can be friends, but they will inevitably fall in love — maybe for a short while, at the wrong time, too late, or perhaps forever." His perspective doesn't outright reject the possibility of friendship, but instead suggests that romantic feelings are almost always an eventual or underlying part of such connections.

So, what lies at the heart of this recurring idea? Is it truly impossible for men and women to be just friends? Or is this belief a reflection of societal conditioning, emotional instincts, or biological drives?

The notion that pure, platonic friendship between men and women is against nature stems from the belief that humans are instinct-driven beings. Like magnets drawn to iron, attraction—emotional or physical—is considered a natural response when people of opposite sexes spend time together, share vulnerabilities, and build trust. These are the same ingredients that foster love. In this view, friendship doesn’t suppress desire; it merely delays or disguises it.

Some argue that when a boy and a girl become close friends, one of them—if not both—eventually develops feelings. These feelings might not always be expressed, but they linger, creating a silent tension beneath the surface. This could explain why many such friendships face eventual disruption, either when one person falls in love and the other does not, or when romantic partners from outside the friendship raise questions about boundaries.

Others might claim that denying the emotional undercurrent in such relationships is a form of self-deception. If we truly examine our feelings, they argue, we will find that attraction is often present, even if we choose to suppress or ignore it for the sake of companionship, social expectations, or fear of complicating the bond.

However, it’s also important to recognize that not all human connections must lead to romance. While attraction may be part of our nature, so too is the capacity for respect, restraint, and emotional maturity. Many people do maintain meaningful, respectful friendships across genders without crossing emotional boundaries. But even then, they must navigate the unspoken questions: What if? When? Why not?

The ultimate truth is this: the dynamics of male-female friendships are complex. They don’t always follow a straight path, and they often involve emotional gray areas. Whether it's fleeting romantic tension, unspoken affection, or long-lasting love, these relationships challenge the traditional notion of "just friends."

So, when someone insists that a boy and girl can be “just friends,” they may be correct in principle—but they may also be overlooking the deeper, more instinctive emotional landscape that often lies beneath.

In the end, whether we accept or reject the possibility of such friendships depends on our personal experiences, beliefs, and emotional awareness. But it’s clear from the words of great thinkers like Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde, and Humayun Ahmed that this question is far from simple—and that human nature, with all its complexity, rarely is.