the mountain & me

Once upon a time, I climbed a mountain. I had this line of people behind me who were pushing me, telling me this was the mountain I wanted. They even got me to the top, even when I resisted and tried to turn around. Eventually I gave up, choking on the high altitude.

I weakened myself enough for them to drag me the rest of the way. I sat up there for a while, looking at all the other mountains around me. I really believed I could be happy there despite everything.

But then I realized another mountain was not that far off. In fact, if I jumped, I might be able to land on it and climb the rest of the way. I stood up to assess that option, but then vines wrapped around my ankles and wrists. I was trapped.

But I ripped one of my wrists free using my teeth. The thorns scratched my tongue but I didn't care. I ripped the other wrist out of the vine by sheer force, lifting my fist skyward. I used my fingernails to cut one ankle free and then the other.

I lost track of how much blood I lost, deciding that could be fixed later. Blood was just blood, it was replaceable. The people around me started to back up, realizing the decision I was going to make. "If you jump," one said, "you can't come back."

And that was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard.

And when they said those words, "You can never come back," I laughed. It was a quiet laugh at first but then it got louder and louder until everyone had backed up so far, I couldn't hear the things they were whispering anymore. The blood dripped from my mouth, and I lifted my arm up to wipe it on my wrist. I liked the color.

Red was pretty. Red was bright. My world had been gray and dusty, and I had never looked down at the blood on my hands before and thought it was beautiful.

So, I didn't look back again. I started at a run and jumped. The moment suspended in air felt like a gasp. I smiled. I slammed against the side of the other mountain and the air left my lungs. But then...

...when I breathed in I breathed in again and again and again and the air was crisp and the sky was blue and when I looked down at my hands the blood was rolling off into the ground and flowers grew there red red red red orange orange blue blue blue green black purple white pink black yellow yellow gold golden ~

I could see the top of the new mountain up ahead and I squinted to try and gauge how long it would take to get there. I heard a voice I used to love say, "You can't put a timeline on things like this." I whispered, "Say that again."

He didn't. He didn't say anything else. I was lucky enough to get one thing out of him. He never says anything. Not to me. But, instead of begging for more, I picked every single blue flower.

Crushed the petals.

And ate them.

They gave me the strength I needed, and I began the climb. The climb was slow, achy and full of beautiful sights. It was the most magnificent climb I have ever experienced. I took my time, enjoying the climb.

And I never looked back.