The Most Wonderful Time of the Year...?

The turkey dinner ready meals were microwaving away.

The chestnuts...weren’t roasting.

We don’t have chestnuts.

My elf jumper was itchy cause of mum using that cheap washing powder.

Again.

Uncle George is still being nagged at by nan to get married to his French girlfriend. He’s fifty.

My grandad is still telling that joke about the snowman and the two carrots.

He’s told it for twenty years.

I am twenty.

The prize in the cracker popped out and hit Auntie Linda in the eye.

It was a bouncy ball.

My older cousin, Freddie, has told me we’ll have to play my new video game later on tonight.

Bought me a video game, Freddie?

At least I don’t have to wait until five o’clock to find out now. The Stereo is broke.

So Uncle John is singing thriller for us.

Two months too late, Johnny boy.

Oh, and mum forgot to hide the divorce papers away. And.....Yeah, there’s the awkward silence.

Merry fucking Christmas, world.