The Mask, Act Two: If You Knew

I couldn't tell how many times I'd stand in front of the mirror not knowing who I'm looking at

I can't do the math to add up the times that the glass broke

I don't know, if I should or shouldn't put it back together

I'm still trying to put together what I think people want to look at

Every mask I wear has a price- It's the time that I can't get back

But still I put them on even knowing that I hate that

I know I need to, but can't convince the lot of me-

To stop, the self-flagellation and try to see the inside-

Pop the question, "Who am I really?"

I look around and match what's around me

A walking mirror

Pick a persona, and put it on

Pick a face, then copy and paste

To mask the lack of purpose I that feel sometimes

To hide the difference I was told shouldn't be

What the world had told me-

I guess that's why the first book of John said not to love it, or all that's in it

To the people who think I'm rude

Please don't take it personal- It's not you, it's me

To the people who think I'm so strong, if only you knew...

Twenty years too late before I heard the words "I love you"

Twenty years too late before I heard the words "you matter"

I don't believe you but it's not that I don't want to

At times I feel like compliments are scripted

There's not one or two that'll contradict a thousand of there opposites

Can't let my feelings rule me and it'd be easy if they weren't repeated

If I'm told "thank you" and I say don't mention it, I mean it

It's twenty years too late for just a little gratitude to change my attitude-

Too late to slow the rate at which I'm losing altitude

I'm sorry that I don't believe you, you're just twenty years too late

To the people who think I'm too quiet, if only you knew..

"Don't speak unless your spoken to."

"Just do it because I told you to."

But what's pent up needs to vent-

So I take the mask off and put my pen to the paper-

Let the world read the text and mask back up like a reflex

To the people who think I'm so nice or so kind, if only you knew...

It's that exact kindness that I'm not used to-

A five bed house means a five star life right?

But really, the house is burning

And It's the fumes that I'm running on I write down

In the shadow of the TV's light are the lashes from the belt-

And the raised voice, of the unyielding tongue

To the people who think I'm so calm and collected, if only you knew...

All I'm really collecting

Adding up, on the inside of the mask the world made for me

It's plain to see that it's my surroundings that painted me

Every mask I own has it's price-

And if time is currency, then the debt collector will soon come gather what's due

To everyone whose seen one of my many masks, if only you knew...