I feel the strength of the void as it hits me hard,
Pounding and bashing out its rage on my skin,
The silence deafening as I quietly scream through my pain,
Feeling the ending is not within my reach even before it begin.
🥲
Struggle after ultimate struggle thrown into my face,
A bloody arm constantly bashed upon my head,
Thoughts rove the ether of uncertainty,
As I toss and turn into the darkening night of my bed.
🥲
Worries wander freely accessing the ending of every nerve,
Questions of why hinted at through the orderliness of the strain,
Messages passing in the heat of an argument with life,
And still the obstacles arise and I stumble again and again.
🥲
Is this my due for a past mistake of epic proportion,
A hollowing of a black hole of my being’s intensity,
One that’ll swallow me whole as I succumb to the tension,
Or am I overthinking the problems in their immensity?
🥲
Is this the kick in the direction of wantonness,
The desire to form a passion in the existence of my remaining tears,
The squelching of the habitually worried aspects of the forefront,
Or the need to face and kill the essence of my fears?
🥲
A broader view is needed to inspect the grace of your command,
To highlight the larger picture that needs to give me a hard push,
Slamming me head on is the order of today,
As I’ve not been listening, hence the constant harried ambush.
🥲
Indecision a burden on my sleep deprivation,
Finding and resolving the passion that I’ve forever lost,
Wake up, face the darkening essence of the unknown,
Because to continue to stall is going to blow out the horrendous cost.
🥲
It’s time to ride the future as if it was owned by my confidence,
Life needs to be digested into transmutation,
Blood boiling at the constant injustices,
Hold on tight and make the decision to right it out for the entire duration.
Please click the link below my name to read more of my work. I would also like to thank you for taking the time to read this today and for all your support.
If you enjoy this piece, you may enjoy this one too.
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Originally published on Medium
About the Creator
Colleen Millsteed
My first love is poetry — it’s like a desperate need to write, to free up space in my mind, to escape the constant noise in my head. Most of the time the poems write themselves — I’m just the conduit holding the metaphorical pen.
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Comments (4)
This is powerful, and I can relate with the sleepless nights.
Colleen, I too have sleepless nights such as this, Diane.
This was so relatable my friend! The last stanza was so powerful! I loved this poem!
I cannot help but think that the Hawaiian practice of ho'oponopono might actually help as you struggle with the possibilities of the future. I understand that it's about forgiveness, but perhaps that is what is needed--forgiving yourself for the past, forgiving others for what they've done, & forgiving the possibilities that lie before you for making you decide on a path. Perhaps both of us do, as I find myself suffering many sleepless nights as well. Blessings to you, Colleen, however you choose to sort things out. I'm just curious as to whether you intended this on the last line: "Hold on tight and make the decision to right it out for the entire duration." Did you mean to use "right" instead of "ride"? I kind of like it in the context of justice & injustice, right & wrong with which you struggle as you face this "hurting of possibilities", but still thought I'd ask.