The house breathes, but i don't

The clock ticks louder when no one speaks,

i hear every rain drop trickle every floorboard creek

shadows look bigger, darker, ominous, leering over as if to whisper hello my love I'm here

dancing on the softness of my delicate skin

binding to every horrifying touch

my thoughts penetrated deep, fleeting, and paper thin

lights from passing cars right now my savior that I've grown to love

darkness all around stretches announces itself grows, begs to be let in

an innocent mind giving in to the haunting world and all its eager creeps

ugly ruthless full of masks, hiding in windows looking for weakness vulnerability secrets anything to steal another night of sleep

we are prisoners here, barely holding on to our assigned souls asking for salvation

begging for refuge, pretending to know

i used to dream just like every girl

now I'm a heathen lost in the unknown

the wind knows my name howling in my ear

the softness of the night begins to disappear

walls know my secrets, lingers, listens, judges, hears more then i care to admit

whispers hum behind the door

but I'm certain i heard it all before

if you've done any wrong in the late hours and in the silence all by yourself guilt, regret, you shall sit in the undeniable mess that is your head

because this is what we look like under microscopes in mirrors up close when we strip our barriers and bare ourselves, the little flaws, triggers that never show

the abandoned inside we desperately try to ignore

all this time i thought i had lived but i was just another broken ghost

when bruises become more prominent in the eldest of the night

we understand in life we don't know what's in store

why do i hear stories in the pitter patter in the raindrops woes

screaming if only i mattered

if i could be loved, saved, seen, and actually known

crying for a cleansed earth peace and novelty

a field of paper flowers lay weightless against the drowning of a storm

i lie awake try to fill of lullaby and sweet surrender

and if only you know you were once my home

to the monsters in me calling out crawling turning my stomach inside out

why are you so merciless, i don't belong to you you were just a sender

and together i was barely sown

i used to have a name a face a heart

beating wanting warm

it was taken in the midst of trying to find peace within myself

trading dreams for reality hanging who we are on shelves

wait for our second chance

if you shall die tomorrow what would you change today?

pain, disease, hunger, poverty?

have a family that takes away your pain?

just one happy day?

place to belong story to be told a body to hold someone to know

we are reckless forbidden fruit walk shattered incomplete missing never whole

lives of deceit and broken promises

try to get up, stumble, fall

same pattern again and again, living day to day always anonymous

my body holds my secrets and if i tell they are no longer mine

truth is i am terrified not from the ghosts that i have made but the ghost that I've become

a shell controlled a kept woman

i am more then who i know, more then my home my family my looks my words my job

you will never know who i am, just another motionless human

my eyes hide so much the cracks in my voice the knots in my hair the crookedness in my forced smile

the way i look at you with softness and pretend I'm there

I've held on for to long to reveal myself now

the shakiness of my breathe the lingering of my voice

would you find me in all the noise

or the quietness of me screaming to be loud

i am a ghost i have been haunted, i want to be released free wanted

onto another adventure somewhere beautiful where only i know

and if i see you there, from one ghost to another

hello