The Gray

I am white

I am right

Wait

You already have the wrong idea

.

I am the protagonist

I go first

Not the face, not the race, more like chess

White goes first

.

Once there was a jungle

A lion

A pulse

A chase

A death

A feast

Fear

.

We learned to make quick decisions

A threat

A snap

A synapse

A burst

A choice

Push

.

I am safe

I am haste

Awake

.

I live

And hold

And judge

Quickly

Efficiently

Effectively

.

Snap

Money

Decide

.

Snap

Success

Categorize

.

Snap

Choice

Devise

.

Of course I'm right

Black and white

Easy

No contest

.

Choose white

I am white

You still have the wrong idea

.

I win

I always win

I love to win

I am the protagonist

.

I am safe

I am safe

I am safe

.

Sleep

Rest

Comfort

.

Free

Scheme

Push

.

Push

.

But then

The gray

The gray

The gray

The good, true, beautiful

God awful gray

.

It

Tears

.

My scheming and my screaming

My meaning and my demeaning

Torn

.

The gray hurts

Tired

Exposed

.

My brain hurts

Tired

Nuance

.

Let me go back to the jungle

Let me go back to the fear

Let me go back to the forest

Let me go back to the spear

.

Too many what-ifs

What if I'm wrong

What if I'm always wrong

What if there is no right

?

What if both sides are wrong

What if both sides are right

?

What if black and white is a lie

What if color does not exist at all

?

Or even worse

What if black is the protagonist

?