The Fall of the 'Smart One'

Being a good student has always been something I'm proud of. I was on the honor roll every year of elementary, middle, and high school because I always did well academically. I felt confident in my academic talents because my classmates frequently sought my aid with different areas. For some reason, I always felt that I was the go-getter.
Contrarily, college was an entirely new beast. The stress level rose during the semester, while it was bearable in the beginning. Somehow, I ended up in a classroom full of kids who had no trouble understanding even the most basic ideas. I felt like I was falling behind in every lesson since it was so competitive. I had a sense of inadequacy for the very first time.
I felt like an impostor as I glanced around at my classmates. Their answers to my perplexing inquiries demonstrated how swiftly they grasped the situation. I started to doubt my own value and competence. Was my presence here warranted if I was unable to maintain pace? Had I only been putting on an act?
The expectations of people close to me made the pressure to succeed much worse. I felt terrible about disappointing my loved ones, who had always been proud of my academic accomplishments. If I fell short of their expectations, I could almost see the look of disappointment on their faces. The whole idea was making me sick to my stomach.

Embracing Subpar Performance
Somehow, I doubt I am the "smart one" I always imagined myself to be. It's alright to settle for mediocrity and pass classes without thriving; this is something I'm having a hard time accepting. Maybe that's my current identity, but it's hard to acknowledge. It's alright; I'm not as diligent a student as I once was.

Now Learning ...
I am learning to welcome the uncertainty as I make my way through this new world. It's alright to say when you don't grasp something or ask for help; I'm learning that. The more I stop comparing myself to other people and instead concentrate on my own development, the more I realize that mediocrity is fine.

Success in a Different Light
Success is now defined differently for me. Being the best or reaching perfection is no longer the aim. What matters is that I show up, that I work hard, and that I learn from my failures. The key is to be kind with myself, even when I fall short of my own standards.

In summary,college has been, well, a humble-ing experience for me. I've learned the importance of working hard and sticking with something until you succeed by confronting your own prejudices and limits. The realization that I'm not the "smart one" I always imagined myself to be is something I'm working on accepting.