As I gaze upon the final moments of daylight quickly submerging beyond the fiery horizon, light flickers and dances upon the undulating sea in its last efforts before surrendering to the night.
Upon this secret and cherished perch, I gently close my eyes and venture back into my own thoughts of which arouses a myriad of emotions. Childhood, adolescence, and adulthood intertwined in a neurological scrapbook of images, some so vivid and yet others subconsciously blurred for my own protection and sanity.
The essence of evil licks its lips at the thought of my own demise, which has approached ever so near with anticipation as the echoes of crashing waves soothe the demons' rancid lullaby.
What brings me here once again to these dire crossroads, and why am I summoned by this force of which I struggle to acknowledge. Perhaps it is this path of darkness that ultimately leads to the true enlightenment of which I have resisted all along due to the fear and insecurity of my own destiny.
Beside me stands a calm presence as I search within for an answer that justifies and pacifies my own existence. Perception and time are now distorted as my vision is reborn into a dark inconsolable realm which beckons for my touch. Starlight permeates my flesh like needles randomly scattered about on a canvas from a distant past.
The allurement is ever so powerful and persuasive as fantasy flirts with fruition. Suddenly, reality strikes a thunderous blow and loosens my reluctant grip on the outcome and destruction of the cold hard steel.
About the Creator
Day 4 of Quitting
If this is how sobriety feels, maybe it’s better to go through life a little buzzed… this, along with other hits like, I want to kill myself, I wish I was dead, and I’m going to throw myself off a bridge have been the only thoughts on rotation these past few days. I promise myself that if, in a month, I still feel like this (‘this’ meaning despondent, full of rage, and simultaneously numb) I can go back to smoking. Until mid-February though? Nicotine is off the table.
By sleepy drafts4 days ago in Longevity
Comments (2)
Reality bites. Beautiful writing.
A beautiful thought provoking piece of work.