The Darkness

There is a dark hole

at the center of my core.

Its pull magnetic,

unrelenting,

dangerous.

A hole burned into my essence

by abusive and violent hands,

words of belittlement,

and betrayals unimaginable.

A hole so deep

the bottom is an illusion,

filled with sadness,

with rage,

and with the stolen innocence of a young girl.

A hole echoing with

the shame,

embarrassment,

and self-hatred of a lost child.

A continuously running reel of unspeakable grief.

and unthinkable loss.

Like reflections in a mirror

it flashes memories in my mind.

It interrupts my sleep,

steals moments from my life,

and turns my thoughts against me.

It makes me feel guilty

for touching happiness.

It moves, this hole.

It follows me through my day,

looking for just the right moment to open up

and swallow me whole.

It’s no wonder I have lived my life

on high alert.

What happens if I fall in?