The Crane

One by one, the feathers dropped below. The more grief I felt, the more I harmed myself. I had to mutilate in order to appease you. To contort myself into an image I didn't recognize. I made room for you but you never made room for me. You made me delusional, as if I had to keep proving myself to you. One by one, I plucked myself bare. Each feather told a story all on its own. Even the aftermath was a witness to my descent. You rationalized every red flag that made you appear human. I devoted myself to hindrance while you remained devoted only to yourself. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do to ascend to your level. I wasn't the only one in disguise. I was the fabled creature who couldn't measure up. You were the swindler who kept on persuading everyone how extraordinary you pretended to be. One by one, my feathers stumbled and plummeted. As if they were harbingers of doom. It's hard to imagine how I was ever so desperate for your validation. I know you won't ever care about all the improvements I've made thus far. You get to bestow your gifts onto someone else now. I get to move on with no closure, no apology. Just the same indifference that drove me insane. It's a journey full of road blocks and obstacles. With deafening valleys and monstrous mountain peaks. The trail leading back to me is taking longer than I expected. It is a path I'm still embarking on, nonetheless. One by one, I grew new and more elaborate feathers. Ones that couldn't have blossomed if you were still here to maim. I keep looking back over my shoulder. Hoping one day you would find illumination and reward me with your absence. But your words and in-actions still linger. I can't always leave the past where it belongs. I am haunted by the years wasted and the abuse I endured. My precious body parts kept dying because I let them. You can't touch me anymore but the bitter memories still remain. I'm still left with the horrid stench of your betrayal. Even though you've only ever been loyal to yourself. You were never capable of the love I kept creating in your stead. One by one, my peace returned in the shape of impeccable feathers. Ones that have returned along with my sanity. I have learned to cherish what makes me different, what makes me special. These feathers were never yours to take. We shouldn't have to prove how worthy we are to blind indecision. We shouldn't have to strip ourselves of our own self-love. My self-doubt, my self-pity is slowly perishing. It gets weaker every day. One by one, my feathers have rebounded. With you becoming an afterthought, they will continue to grow and become more powerful that you could ever conceive. I will become more indestructible than you could ever believe.