The Art of Grief

The most painful heartbreak is the heartbreak of an ended friendship

It cuts me deeper than any death, breakup, or unforeseen ending

We don’t always see why it happens or sometimes we feel it before it happens and do our best to prevent it

There’s no preventing the ebb and flow of souls who are meant to enter and leave our life though

Some show up with an important lesson or gift to share and only stay for a season

Others maybe half a lifetime or more

Some of us circle back in the spiral of time and find each other once again; in this life or the next

I’ve come to see that each meeting and each leaving is sacred

The meeting a cracking open like a seed and the leaving a making space for the new

Death and new life are a package deal

One always following the other

Often brushing hands in passing through the doorway of transition

Even this deep knowing however doesn’t make the letting go easy

When a true friend enters I make a lifelong oath to love, support, and protect them and even in their absence or betrayal I find myself unable to break it

It feels like a part of me becomes absent too

They don’t just leave; they take something with them

A piece of my soul existing separate from me on another part of this planet

But maybe I’ve taken something with me too

I take my backpack off my shoulders

Set it on the ground in front of me

Open it up and dump it out

There are some beautiful things there but also blended with sharper edges

A collage of mixed experiences, feelings, and beliefs

Some of these experiences fill me with such joy; feeling held, safe, and fully embraced

Some tell me I am unlovable. I am unsupported. I’m not caring enough

Echoes reminding me of times I had to drain myself dry and overextend to be loved, seen, accepted

They say “Who are you if not the strong one?”

“How dare you struggle when my problems are much bigger!”

Those voices never belonged to me

I return them all back to sender

May we keep the love

May we keep the shared joy

I have mastered the art of acceptance in more ways than one

The hardest form of mastery is in the letting go

Every fractal of me remembers this is not the first time and it won’t be the last

A memory both terrifying and empowering

We take one final look before walking through the threshold

I release you

And I release me

Thank you for stopping by