The Almond Milk Strikes Back!
To Paul from Mr. Al Milk. Peak Absurdity.
1 2 3
It's me, Al Milk
4 5 6
On the fresh mix
7 8 9
Pass me the wine
10 20 30
My hands gon get dirty
+
So let me get things perfectly straight
I want to make sure we have things clear
Before Mr Al Milk the Daddy gets irate
That Itali-Scot better live life in fear
I heard that dude's been talking smack
About my creamy goodness and consistency
I heard that dude's rhymes are so whack
How he prefers pus-cow-milk in his cuppa tea
My silence is over, here's my bar attack
I'm going to take you out without a hit fee
+
+
The big shot, the mumbling mumbler
Wants to run his mouth, about my taste
The big shot, the mumbling mumbler
Better shut his awful trap in good haste
Sure, he's got skills, sure he's got rhymes
But he's as sour as a whole bag of limes
Paul - why you gotta be so damn butt-hurt
Paul - which barista got you so damn curt
+
You know the girlies love me, the guys do too
You know you wanna have me, and wanna be on my crew
Stop trying so damn hard, you damn blow hard
You'll never be Ad-Rock, MCA or Mister Mike D
Once I'm done with you, your ass will be chard
Like steak overdone, that's the future, you see
Sipping Red Bull outta straw is what's next for you
You'll need a nurse and bedpan when you number 2
+
So just stop oo-oo-ahhing like a stupid monkey
Go back to your lab and write some better bars
You'll never beat me, when it comes to non-dairy
There's none better, you can bet your silly arse
Nearly two-thirds of Americans with me will agree
Amanda Seyfried, Anna Hathaway and Arnie, all stars
We're laughing at your latest Got Milk? You see
The best you can do is Beiber, what a stupid farce
+
You claim you're a rapper, I've heard much better
Even Machine-Gun Kelly or Vanilla Ice rhyme harder
So why don't you take your olive-skinned ass home
Cha-Cha-slide outta here before I smack your dome
Almond Milk will be here for ever and forever more
What you going to do when the cows are no more?
The way things are going, they will soon be extinct
Then you'll be banging for my nutty taste so distinct
+
1 to the 2 and then to the 3
that's all from lil ole me
*
Thanks for reading!
We have reached peak absurdity. As inspired by Dharrsheena, Naomi, and Donna, this was a mixtape exclusive by Mr. Al Milk in response to my Yucky Poem attack on Almond Milk as part of the Yucky Food Challenge. You can read that here:
Also, take a look at the piece that started it all:
You're welcome?
Take a look at the rest of my work here.
About the Creator
Paul Stewart
Award-Winning Writer, Poet, Scottish-Italian, Subversive.
The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection out now!
Streams and Scratches in My Mind coming soon!
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Comments (10)
good mate
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I laughed so much until my stomach and cheeks hurt! You freaking nailed this one. Oh wait, that's a tear rolling down. I laughed until tears came out! Hahahahahahahaha you're awesomeeee!
As some one allergic to both regular milk and almonds I feel a need to rebuttal. This was dope. Hope it was meant to be rapped a la Run DMC.
And the fun continues.
😱You got super-duper Flyy on us! 😁 "You know you wanna have me and wanna be on my crew!" I love it! LOL!😂 Well done Paul!
I keep saying it, Paul, the raps are your forte! You're killin' it! Lol, this is so hilarious, and the rhythm and rhymes are perfect! I love everything you do; the raps are just my favorite. "You claim you're a rapper, I've heard much better Even Machine-Gun Kelly or Vanilla Ice rhyme harder So why don't you take your olive-skinned ass home Cha-Cha-slide outta here before I smack your dome Almond Milk will be here for ever and forever more What you going to do when the cows are no more? The way things are going, they will soon be extinct Then you'll be banging for my nutty taste so distinct" Best part. This stanza is *chef's kiss.* I applaud your meta-awareness and decision to take down your own position! Peak absurdity, indeed! 😆❤️
I’m out in public, on my phone, but I started laughing like a psycho when I read this: “I heard that dude's been talking smack About my creamy goodness and consistency I heard that dude's rhymes are so whack How he prefers pus-cow-milk in his cuppa tea” And then it got funnier. Why must you keep killing me? 😭👻
Haha. What else does Donna hate. I wanna see you trash that take, too. Lol. Well done, buddy.
🤣🤣🤣. I love peak absurdity!! This is gonna be stuck in my head hahah
Chuckling... I see the fun continues. 😅 Almond Milk Rap! 👏