The Agoraphobe’s Regret

This is the story of my life, in poem form, from near the end of highschool, to now. I was poor, living in a trailer with no water and shoddy electric. I was well aware of the fact I had no future, so when I fell in love with an angel, I had no desire to show her my hell. She was the only thing good in my life. The thought of losing her was an overpowering restraint, so we stayed friends. I did something stupid trying to forget my love for her, and screwed my life up even more. For the next near nine-years I was an agoraphobe, for one stretch I didn’t walk through my front door for two-years, and I still lived in a crappy trailer, though a different one. I’ll add in here my grammar skills were quite damaged by my hermitage, so I apologize for any errors. Eventually I found hope—medical marijuana. I used it to clear my mind of the fog I’d been in for years. I eventually sent a love letter of regret to my angel. She is married with kids, and I’ll have to live with the regret of letting that happen my entire life. I hope the words my pain is invoking in me can save someone from making the same mistake. Read this poem and obey!

I killed the old me.

Dead dead dead is gone.

I didn’t know it. I just thought the love had vanished.

Dead dead dead is gone.

The old me was in love with the only light in his world.

Love Love Love is Pain.

Scared of the dark he gave her space.

Fear fear fear is regret.

He lost his way after school and darkness came all the same.

Fear fear fear is regret.

He became me. I existed in a single space.

Anxiety anxiety anxiety is regret.

I was blind to the world for many years.

Time time time is what.

For endless years, I forgot the light.

Time time time is what.

Some days I remembered the light, and the pain came.

Forget forget forget is relief.

Many days flew by with little change.

All all all is one.

I remembered on the right day, when the darkness was green.

Green green green is healing.

I sought the light and she killed me, for I was the darkness.

Courage courage courage is key.

The light filled my eyes with blue for many days.

Time time time is what.

I became he once more, in love with the light,

Pain pain pain is love.

The light wasn’t alone, she had spawned many stars with a moon.

Sorrow sorrow sorrow is rebirth.

He became I once more, for the darkness had become conviction.

Regret regret regret is gone.

I think of the light often and I see blue.

Pain pain pain is love.

I’m leaving the light soon to find brighter.

Hope hope hope is forever.

I will touch the brightest light I find.

Fear fear fear is gone.

Soon I will be a moon with stars all around.

Hope hope hope is forever.

Now listen to I and touch your light quick as you can.

Regret regret regret is death.

Learn from my pain and never feel the same.

Obedience obedience obedience is key.