SWEET INTIMACY

There’s something sweet about (ME)…

My humanness,

My otherworldly eyes,

And big brown-thighed beingness.

The way my feet turn out when I walk,

How deep my voice is,

The space between my two front teeth,

And how I look up to the heavens for words when I talk.

My sensitivities and weirdnesses…

Like rubbing the pencil eraser on my inner wrist,

Or

Sucking on my tongue with a hanging bottom lip,

Or

Massaging my cuticle on the corner of a damp towel while I piss,

Or

Palming someone's elbow as we sit,

Or

Crying during a song because their lyrics and melody took me into complete bliss.

There’s something so sweet about (ME)...

My dark knees & arm pits that accents and adds character to my skin,

My flat nipples,

My hairy arms,

And out of my gut, butt and hips...none of them ever seem to win.

There is still something so sweet…

About my rough, old looking hands,

About my shoulders that cave in,

About these wild bushy eyebrows that can be mistaken for a man’s.

Even my thought processes, opinions and beliefs,

My wild imagination and ability to play,

Making musicals out of the mystery.

How I commune with trees,

Collect minerals from the streets,

And make friends with ALL of earth’s beautiful beings.

SWEETNESS!

I was once told I wasn’t enough from someone I love,

And made fun of by more than a few,

I hate to admit that the more in numbers poking at my differences,

Made me believe my lack of enoughness was true.

Ah Sweet…

A flavor that they could not accept or see.

After some time, neither could I anymore,

So I started to abandon (ME).

Become more like Her.

Try to get the attention of Him.

Do this.

Lose that.

And you will definitely fit in.

I LOST MYSELF!

All of my SWEET.

With reflections of everyone else around,

I couldn’t see (ME).

UNTIL

I started digging,

Digging into myself,

Digging until I was deep.

I dug and I dug uncovering something familiar,

A feeling that was sooo sweet.

(ME). My child self,

Buried in guilt, shame and pain,

But she was still dancing.

Ready.

Waiting for me to rise again from the flames.

Before we rose up,

I had a good look at my complexities and what makes me unique.

I saw the beauty of it all,

How my eccentricities adds to the whole,

Especially what it means to be (ME).

Then I realized their definition of not enoughness was simply a false belief.

So we burned it.

Watched it melt into disintegrated nothingness,

As the dust settled a gift was presented,

It was self-acceptance wrapped in self-forgiveness.

Oh sweetness!

I accepted,

And received,

Feeling safe in my body,

Waking up in love,

And going to sleep in peace.

I get to snuggle with joy,

And play with pleasure,

While loving every inch of (ME)!

I can finally embrace myself and say,

“You feel like HO(ME).”

With a knowing that,

I AM SWEET.