Sure To Disappoint

!!! EXPLICIT CONTENT !!!

I'm only 35 but I'm ready for the nursing home.

Born an alcoholic and I've drunk it all; the thirst is gone.

The only reason I'm still drinking is because it hurts to don't.

This curse I own is personal. I'm failure prone. The Jerk is home,

after years of stumbling, fumbling and tons of sins.

I admit that most of what I did was self-destruct a drug addict.

No subtle shit, a troubled kid; I chose my path, no others did.

Some others chose to travel with me. Most of them unraveled quickly

since the shit I mostly did was: poison minds immensely.

Intensely thought that I was help;

that I had stayed true to myself;

I was only truly selfish because I lied to me when I was someone else.

A selfless life of selfishness to find myself that does not exist.

Every choice I made was wrong; just ask my ex's or my mom.

Because I cannot sing their song

the way they want to hear it. From

my new adult perspective I

can see that all of them were right.

I should've or I could've but I wouldn't even try.

So, since I'll never of my own effort be more than a stoner, I

challenge anyone who doesn't like

the choices that I make in my life

to decide for me. No longer will I slip and slide

because I'll follow your advice.

I'll do just what you want me to. Just let me know; it's up to you

but when I do things as you say and you still have a fucked-up day,

I'll take the blame and fake the shame for making the same mistakes again.

I follow you, oh, perfect human who can choose my truth for you;

and never will I be allowed to be proud or a face in the crowd.

My choices were so wrong for your life;

more like - yours were wrong for mine.

The difference is: I chose my path

on purpose. Now, can you say that?

I accepted your addictions (alcohol, cigarettes and dicks and...).

I explained from the beginning that my fight I would be winning.

None of you gave me explanations

of your plans to change your situations.

Yet, you hate and shun me for the things I do that you don't like.

I'd really like to see you try the road I chose to hike.

I, with purpose, chose to master sin and crime.

When it's my time,

I will shine and leave the negatives behind.

I can truly say to those I find in desperate situations,

that I can relate because I made it through the same mistakes and

then, offer them a solution suited specifically to their problems.

After all, I chose this path so that I'd know how to solve them.

I forgive you for the way you see that I'm the only one doing wrong;

and for anything you've done or do to interrupt my song.

My chosen path is mine alone.

I'm the only Crazy 'Nuff to make it.

So, keep your bitching, hating, crying, lying and your faking.

You're wasting not a second more of my time on this planet.

I tried to bring you with me but my plan, you chose to ban it.

I love you dearly, still and always, each and every one.

You'll see the me you want me to be...

when you see I always was.

You'll miss the ride.

You'll miss the climb.

You'll miss a grand adventure!

You'll miss it all because you could not stand a man of extreme natures.

The pain I've felt, I dealt myself mostly, 'cept a few.

But pain and shame and loss and cost have also led me to

understand my fellow humans and all their strengths and weaknesses;

and how to love and how not to judge and how to beat the demons.

So once again, decide for me:

what, when, where and how I should be,

do or say to make my life better than it is

right now. I'm on the path to greatness but I'm slower than you wished.

I could've used your help instead of hindering my mission.

I really hope that someday I will see you all again

but I doubt that you will ever truly see me for who I am.

I ask a third a final time, decide for me please,

tell me how to live my life; who and how I'm "supposed" to be.