sunflowers bloomed…

a week after you passed,

i noticed them growing

on the side of the highways and access roads

in abandoned parking lots and construction zones//

i would think to myself,

“if only she were here to see them”

your favorite flower

blooming wildly after you left us//

it’s all happening too soon//

one day you were here

but then the next you weren’t//

i still have presents that i didn’t get the chance to give to you

stories i didn’t get the chance to share with you

boba teas that i didn’t get to buy you//

we were supposed to have more time//

there are songs that have played on the radio

songs i know you would have loved to listen to

you would have played them at max volume

with the windows down and your feet on the dash//

you were my sunshine

my sunflower

my Birdie//

and i know you knew how much i loved you

how much we all loved you

i know you knew//

i can still hear your laugh

i still search for you in crowds

hoping to run into you in old hang out spots

the same spots that i’ve abandoned

because they hurt too much to be in//

it can’t be real//

i still expect you to show up at the next party

appearing from the darkness

like it was a magic trick you’d finally mastered

you’d say “i know you missed me”

just as you always would//

i promise i won’t be mad

i promise i’ll laugh along with the others

because it would be better than what i feel right now//

the unbelievable anger and frustration//

i didn’t get a goodbye//

none of us did//

i’ll never hear you call me a dumbass again

we’ll never get to play monopoly until 3 am again

we’ll never sing terribly off key in my parents living room again//

i’ll never be able to understand

why you did what you did//

but the sunflowers are blooming

so i guess you’re doing okay.