Sting

a sharp inhale from the sting

a relieved exhale to follow.

at least I know that I still care enough to feel

and enough to stay.

to live.

it's a terrifying thought

that someday I might just

no longer feel that pain.

I wonder if I will remember

that I'm still alive.

I wonder if the taste of my favorite coffee

lukewarm because I'm busy chasing the boys

or the feel of small, sticky hands on my cheeks

will ever be enough

to replace it.

does life exist

without pain?

does life go on

without me?

another sting

my youngest is digging his nails into my forearm

the cartoons are blaring

and my oldest eats an apple from my mother's tree down the street.

I stay for this sting.

because of them

I will never be numb.