“Sorry We Missed You”

I don't shave my head because I think it's cool to go all Britney

I don't do it because it's how I take make control of my life

I do it so I don't continue to remove patches of hair by my anxious scratching and pulling

I don't bite my nails because it's just something that calms my mind

I do it so when I claw myself at night I don't do too much harm

I don't speak of self love because we need more of that in the world…

I do it so people never find themselves at a disgusting low

I don't write poems for exposure

I do it to prove that I can't silence myself

That no matter how many times I try to swallow my tongue- I remain speaking

I don’t try and end it all because I'm pained

I do it because this utter boredom has gotten to the point when it's annoying with its transparency

Why I don't find myself driving because it’s not just a pact with everyone on the road but those black and yellow signs looking like a platform wall home

I don't flock to sad boys because I want to fix them

I do it because I want someone to just be sad with and not pretend I have to be completely here

I may be a social butterfly, but it's just so I don't feel like I'm here wasting time

That it’s a reason to find myself outside with like-minds

The intense need to shred my flesh from bone

To somehow atone for the time I wasted on this world

Trying not to seem like a scared little girl

In this big world of opportunity that never knocks, but leaves a slip of paper, between the door of my heart and soul …apologizing for missing me

There's no return number to call

No office to pick it up at

Just slips of paper I keep in my pocket

That I will find on a later date

These failures I can't escape

Too much on my plate, but I am somehow supposed to also fill up on love

And yet I just don't know what needs to be done

But for now...

I'm alive