Something to die for, somebody to live for.

The rush, the thrill, the pain, the suffering, seeing my dreams all go down hill. It's so quiet here and I feel so cold, My dreams no longer feel like there are possible. The addiction never seems to subside, nothing goes as planned, and people break. People say goodbye in their own special way. When you realize that you are the only one left standing on your own, finding yourself looking back in the mirror, thinking about how you stand in the edge of the world feel the relief, I've learned to forgive but not forget, you'r felings may fade but your feelings will stick. Nothing stays the same though, nobody sees the pain, but everyone is to blame.

All that you rely on, all that you can say, will leave you in the dark. Oh your in my brain and I can not get you out, I run away but you come and find me. I can not give you up. You catch a glimpse of sunlight shinning down on your face. Oh you run away, I dont need this life. I've got nothing left to live for, no matter where they take me, death I will survive.

Your the first face that I see, and the last thing I think about. Your the reason i'm alive, you never give up when im falling apart. I dont deserve the love, your everything I need. You bring me to my knees at the end of the day wiping my tears off the ground, so I put her back in my blood stream. When I walk away..I take off running.

An ache so deep, that I can hardly breathe, the pain that I imagined not to be true, will it ever heal? Was it enough to keep believing, I wanna scream..this kinda torture I put myself through. This is misery. Am I still here, is this a dream? How could this happen to me??? God help me. God help me. Breathe.

Everybody has a story to tell, everyone has a wound to be healed. I get so tired of holding on. I wanna believe that there is meaning here. How many times have you heard me cry out ..GOD I NEED YOU NOW. Wondering how I got to where I am, I am trying to listen to my angel, but the whispers come through louder on the other shoulder. I get so afraid. I know you got the best intentions, just trying to find the right words to say.

Right now I wanna be not OK, so let me just give up, if this isn't good for me then I dont want to know.. you dont know what it's like. Can't stop theses feelings from sinking and its starting to show on me, just dont tell me what you see. So let me just give up, let me just stop trying, I dont want your good advice. Don't look at me like that, pretending like you understand.

They say dont let them in, close your eyes and clear your thoughts again. Inner demons dont play by the rules. Angels please keep on fighting, inner demons just wont go away. Life is pain, life isn't fair. Take the pain, take the fear. They said it wont be hard, they cant see the battle in my heart.

Inner demons dont play well with angels, angels please protect me from these rebels. The demons they keep on biting, how can I write this without breaking. How can I put it into words when its almost to much for my soul when it hurts like hell. I dont want them to know the secrets, I dont think they would understand.. no I don't think they would accept it. It hurts like hell. I turn it all over.

I had the best of the worst sides, I've had too many flashbacks. My chest is on fire, I guess I lie because I want to, this ain't you when you like this. I'm a mess sometimes, I can be always what you wanted but not what you needed. , I have way too many routes to take to make this all go away.

So heartless with these words I say, just saying what I need to say. I can't love when I can't even love myself, but i'm addicted to hurting. I've spent too many late nights, my head still wont die.I guess that's the point, you dont know how to let go, this must be all or nothing.