Silence

Try again.

I’m not used to failure.

Try again.

I’m not used to giving up.

Try again – a different angle this time,

a different stance, a different pose, a different promise…

But silence

is our only weapons.

In silence, I must cloak myself.

You are not available to be caught.

You are already prisoner of another –

though your heart still peeks at me, from time to time…

I see it.

Silence.

Try to erase my thoughts.

Silence.

Try to erase my heart.

Silence.

Time slips by,

my sanity is shredded, by and by,

and I must piece it all back together.

Silence.

I will try again – to face another day alone.

Silence.

I will try again – to pretend it doesn’t matter.

Silence.

I will try again - to think about other things

not-you.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Then, a crack of dawn,

a word or two upon your page, posted.

I am alert,

wondering if you are lonely tonight.

But, again:

silence.

I must give up the hunt.

Must withdraw

my weapon of silence.

Must head

back to my home…

reload ammunitions –

of self-love, care, hobbies, diversions, and chores.

2 years waiting -

plus 30 years before.

Silence.

You are not yet ready, to depart from there.

Silence.

You are not yet ready, to separate and leave.

Silence.

You are still

at the pinnacle of your career.

Silence.

I can’t wait for you. But I am frozen.

Your words, from yesteryear,

chiselled in my heart:

“I am unable to forget you.

I’m sorry, it wasn't different.

I need to see you again.”

Silence.

Waiting for you.

Silence.

(Any response will do.)

Silence.

I can’t reach out to you, because...

Silence.

... you are already taken.

Silence. Silence. Silence.

I have looked for another,

and will continue.

Silence.

The woods are full of wolf-calls, hoots, and hollers -

not from you.

Silence.

(Not from you).

Silence.

Not from you!

Silence.

I remember the silence between us, as we clasped hands, joined in Eternity

- a promise to be faithful.

But promises were broken

(when time, distance, culture, language, and traditions

trapped us

separately).

Silence.

I will see you again.

Silence.

Someday,

I hope,

I will.

Silence.

I’m looking for someone else - for I’ve gone almost crazy,

waiting for you, to realize that

you miss me

more than

your love of career

and

your duty to her.

Waiting for you to realize that

some promises

are not meant to be kept

when we are miserable.

But,

you keep collecting accolades and upping your societal worth.

Yours is a game of physical survival

while

I

can afford to wallow in self-pity.

Silence.

Silence.

Waiting... for my rare unicorn

to reappear, (to speak),

to fly back to me.

Our connection:

a rare dream,

held, for a while...

lost, long ago.

Silence:

painful and eternal.

I am

haunted & hunted

still,

by

silence.

You elude me, still,

yet Silence continues

to trail me.