should I tell you

should I describe her eyes?

hazel

but grey

& actually blue but also filled with a soft white, creamy starburst center and there were browns and golds and reds and greens

someone said that there are cultures who say only angels have eyes that color

should I tell you

the way she looked?

how she stared at me

at them

watched us come and go, her giggles sparkling, radiating, like sunshine and crystals

dangling in the air

strung from an empty IV tower

should I tell you

how she died?

in my arms, against my chest, I watched the pulse monitor drop, pleading, please, please, just keep beating

you grew cold and I pulled your blanket around your chest,

realized your heart monitor was reading my heart instead

your chest pressed to mine so tight,

my arms aching,

my grip increasing,

a scream building in my lungs

I watched as your lips grew purple

your fingers and toes too

I felt you grow cold

and I wanted to keep you

to take you home and hold you forever

just the two of us

wrapped in blankets and pillows

locked away in your room

my fingers tracing your hair

& asking you to open your eyes

to my surprise

your eyelashes flutter

you blink

you stare

& smile

a giggle leaves your lips

to my surprise, I can hear you

your voice,

full and beatiful suddenly shattered

screams rupture

I turn to see your dad fall to his knees

at the sight

my body

purple

blue

grey

green

bruised and still

my arms tangled in decay

a blank stare

my lips tied shut

feet

dangling in the air

strung from a broken chandelier

I forgot

being with you,

isn't the same

as

asking

you

to stay